


Angel

by AshVarnei



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Complete, F/M, Family, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Tony Creates His Own Family, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:56:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1710746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshVarnei/pseuds/AshVarnei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Pepper Potts is not Tony's PA, but his guardian angel. Tony thinks he's gone insane. Of course, it's a lot more complicated than that.  </p><p>  <i>"You're a figment of my imagination," Tony mutters bitterly.</i><br/><i>She shakes her head. "I'm just as real as you. Just, less corporeal."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pepper

"Tony, listen to me."  
The voice is the only thing that stops him panicking, because of the bomb and the soldiers and the screaming and he can still hear himself screaming...  
"Tony!"  
His eyes snap open. All he can see is a red headed angel stood in front of him. He frowns in confusion. For a moment he's sure he's dead, because why else would there be an angel, and there was a bomb, he saw it, it had landed next to him and it had hurt so much...  
"Listen to me," she says softly. "You're going to be okay. You're going to wake up in a minute, and it's going to hurt a lot. You need to stay calm. They're looking for you, Tony, stay calm."  
Tony opens his mouth to ask what's going on, who she is, why she's here, but he can't talk and in a blink of an eye she's gone and he's waking up in a cave and there's an electromagnet in his chest and a car battery attached and a man named Yinsen explaining things to him that he'd rather not know. Tony looks around for his angel, but she isn't there. Instead he sees a camera watching him, and soldiers come in with guns (his guns, why do they have his guns?) and he thinks that this must be the way his life ends.

They're half drowning him now and it sparks pain deep in his chest and his lungs were already burning, but now it's worse, like a furnace, a wildfire of pain in his chest -  
He's about to fall off the brink of consciousness. It would be easier, to die now, he thinks.  
"Tony!" It's her voice again.  
He holds on.  
They drag him up, gasping for air and clutching his chest. Someone forces a rough bag over his head and Tony feels like he's going to suffocate, with the water in his lungs and the dust in his mouth. They pull him along and outside, and he sees crates and crates and never ending piles of his weapons, and he feels like he's going to be sick, because _how did they get his weapons?_ But then his angel is there with him. She keeps him calm.  
"Agree," she says quietly when Yinsen translates the offer from the terrorists - build the Jericho missile and he'll live. So Tony forces his business smile and nods, shakes the man's hand and feels dirty as he does so. His angel strokes a hand through his hair, pleased, a soft touch that makes Tony yearn for more. Then she disappears again.

It's only when Tony and Yinsen return to the cave that he realises what this means. He's the only one who can see her, he knows that instinctively, there's no need to ask the Afghan man. He's gone insane, he must have, his mind fractured from the pain or the trauma, creating a vision, creating her to help him cope. He knows the psychological possibilities and he wonders distractedly if there's a name for whatever is wrong with him, or if he's going to be some kind of new study, to be poked and prodded by shrinks across the globe.   
He's sure he's insane, and Tony's dying already, what's the point of trying to survive if you're insane? His mind's always been his greatest tool after all, if that's broken, what does he have left? He thinks of what he'll say to Obie, and he's sure then that he'll only see the inside of four white walls for the rest of his life, if he even gets out of here.  
Yinsen tries to goad him, guilt him into trying for survival. Tony's honestly surprised by the man's persistence; why does he care about saving a murderer, a broken man like him? Tony doesn't respond and eventually Yinsen gives up. Tony's left alone to stare into nothing, wishing death would hurry up and claim him.

That's when she appears again. He should have been expecting that.

"You're not insane, Tony," she tells him quietly, curling up next to him in front of the fire, her bright eyes piercing his. Their precise shade of blue reminds him of something but he can't think what.  
"You're a figment of my imagination," Tony mutters back bitterly.  
She shakes her head. "I'm just as real as you. Just, less corporeal."  
The edge of Tony's mouth twitches as though he could smile at that. "Who are you then?"  
"Virginia Potts."  
Tony blinks. That was more of a solid answer than he was expecting. "Alright, you're not a figment of my imagination. I would never have named anyone _Virginia_."  
"Hey!" she says indignantly, but she doesn't look offended.  
"Pepper," Tony says suddenly.  
"What?"  
"Pepper Potts," he repeats, and hopes she doesn't ask where that came from because he really has no idea. It feels right though, like his life is aligning itself into the way it should be. And maybe he's insane, creating this vision of a woman, (she is beautiful though, and Tony wishes she was real because, _damn_ ) but he already feels better and she's barely been here a minute.  
She tries the name out. "Pepper Potts." She nods and shrugs at the same time, and gives him a small, affectionate smile that warms him completely. "Alright."  
Tony grins. He keeps calling her his angel in his head. From her slight smirk, he thinks she probably knows.  



	2. Afghanistan

Just like that, Tony finds the will to live again. Living for a spirit that, despite her assurances, might not be real sounds awfully pathetic when he thinks about it properly, but that's what he has to cling on to. If he survives this, he can worry about it then.  
She's not always with him, even now. When Yinsen returns to Tony's side in the morning she gives him a small, encouraging smile and disappears. For a moment, Tony feels lost, disorientated.  
He looks up at Yinsen, who is still quiet, watching him carefully. Tony stands, unsteady but determined. "We have work to do."  
  
Tony doesn't see his angel again until nightfall, when he's huddled under blankets on the cot that's now his. Pepper simply appears next to him, sat comfortably at his back. Tony rolls over to face her properly, and she combs her hand through his hair as they talk.  
"What are you then?" Tony's a man of science, that's always the most important question. (He's not even sure why he's calling her an angel, it's not like she actually has wings.)  
She shrugs. "I don't know. I'm here to help you. I want to help you."  
Tony can't help but smile. He's never heard anyone say those words and mean them so much.  
"Who are you? I mean, really? Are you a real person or my fairy godmother or something?"  
Pepper shakes her head in amusement and shrugs. "I don't know. I know who I am and that I'm here for you..."  
"Nothing else?" Tony checks.  
"That's all."  
So she really is like his guardian angel, except Tony still isn't going to say that out loud. He just smiles contentedly and slips his hand into her free one. For a long while he is silent, drawing comfort from her and the quiet.  
"Am I going to get out of here?" he asks in a low voice eventually.  
"I don't know, Tony," she answers softly, her hand rubbing apologetically across his scalp. "I can't see the future. They are looking for you. Your friend..."  
Tony looks up quickly. "Rhodey? He's alive?" The other soldiers had died, so many of them, and Tony had hoped, but hadn't quite let himself believe that Rhodey had survived.  
Pepper nods. "He's alive. And he's not going to give up on you."  
Tony smiles in relief but somewhat shamefaced. He's never been the best friend he could have been, and that last day he'd been particularly nasty. Maybe he'd been drunk, maybe he knew Rhodey didn't mind, but that didn't excuse it. He didn't deserve a friend who would keep going simply for him.  
"Shh," Pepper says, a small, warm hand on his cheek. "Let him decide whether he thinks you're a worthy friend."  
Tony looks away. "I'm not."  
Pepper narrows her eyes but doesn't say anything. "You'll just have to get out of here and make it up to him then, won't you?"  
  
It takes a couple of days for him to make the arc reactor, and a few more pain filled hours for Yinsen to replace the car battery with it. Pepper holds his hand the entire time, stroking his hair, murmuring encouragements and providing a distraction.  
After that, Tony thinks it's going to get better. He can at least move freely now, and somehow his chest doesn't feel quite as tight as it had before. He's not going to die, not yet at least.  
But the guards seem to take his sudden enabling as an opportunity. Now he's not a fragile specimen, they're free to do what they please as long as he can work in the morning. He's become some kind of sadistic stress relief.  
He begins to dread the pounding at their door, instinctively curling up tighter until they drag him out of the room. Mostly they just kick him around, use him as a sandbag, practise, until Tony's forgotten what it's like to not be covered in bruises all the time. Sometimes they drown him, and just the sight of the filthy, ice cold water in that dank tub makes him panic now.  
But he holds on, he endures, because whenever they throw him back into his prison, Pepper's there. She waits until Yinsen's done his painstaking check up and for Tony to crawl into his cot and then she's at his side, encouraging and soothing, and he curls up in her arms and tries not to cry. He doesn't always succeed, and Stark men don't cry, they stay strong and they protect. (Tony isn't so sure he wants to be a Stark any more, not after he's seen what the Stark name has brought about, but he can't ignore the conditioning he's been brought up by.) But Pepper never leaves, never thinks he's weak or wrong or bad and just holds him until he falls asleep.  
Sleep's not easy either, and the nights he doesn't have nightmares he counts as small miracles. But somehow it's not too bad to wake up shaking and red eyed when he's in his angel's arms and he wakes to her gentle smile and soft words.  
She keeps him sane, and Tony laughs at the irony of that when he thinks of it. 

He's become close friends with Yinsen too, and Tony knows by now how much he owes the older man. He's like the mentor Tony never really had, the father figure he had yearned for - someone to make proud.  
Tony thinks he's been there for about two months when he finally tells Yinsen. To start with it's small talk over backgammon and for once in his life Tony feels comfortable having this kind of conversation.  
“You got a family?” he asks curiously, not sure why but Yinsen's such a capable, gentle, yet fiercely protective man that Tony's sure he must be a father.  
Yinsen nods, not looking at Tony. “Yes. And I will see them again when I leave here,” he says, his tone light. There's a moment of silence and then the older man looks up. “And you, Stark?”  
Tony stalls. He thinks of Rhodey and Obie and Happy. Pepper's hand is suddenly warm on the back of his neck, and he glances up at her briefly. He shakes his head in answer to Yinsen's question and then pauses.  
He trusts Yinsen. Keeping Pepper a secret from him is difficult enough. Tony looks up at Pepper and she nods. That gives him the assurance he needs. Because Pepper's wormed her way into his heart; she's family, even if she's not real. “Well. It's complicated. This is gonna sound insane.”  
Yinsen looks at him with interest, managing to look both cautious and curious at the same time, and Tony wants to know how he does that, seriously.  
“You would be surprised Stark, at how much I believe these days.”  
Tony nods and gives him an appreciative smile. “No, but seriously. Even I think I'm insane.” He can almost hear Pepper rolling her eyes beside him.  
“I believe they use the term 'eccentric' when you are a billionaire,” Yinsen returns with a slight smile.  
Tony grins. Then he tries to think _how_ to explain this. “I... I've got this imaginary, well, no, not imaginary, she's real, so she says, but I'm the only person who can see her, so really that's debatable. I can see this woman, she can talk to me, touch me. She's like a, uh, guardian angel or something.” Tony frowns to himself. That had sounded a lot better in his head.  
Yinsen has got the dual expression thing going on again, managing to look both confused and incredulous. He's regarding Tony carefully and Tony feels like squirming under his gaze. He looks down at the backgammon board, and hopes Yinsen isn't wishing he could call the guys in white coats. Finally he spoke. “So that's who you talk to.”  
Tony looks up sheepishly, relaxing in relief when it's clear that Yinsen believes him. “You noticed that, huh? Yeah.”  
“And you are convinced she's real?”  
Tony shrugs. “That's what she says. I trust her. I mean, I still sort of think my mind's gone wacko, but I'd rather believe it hasn't. She's got a name and everything though, she knew that. She just doesn't know anything about herself.” Tony pauses, thinks for a second. “American accent. She just told me she's here to help me.” And god, but that sounds corny, but Tony doesn't care because it's true.  
And Yinsen smiles, and it's genuine and not patronising and Tony can't help but feel warmed. He can somehow tell the man believes him completely. “It sounds like you're very lucky then Stark.”  
Tony nods with a small smile, and ducks his head. It means a lot that someone he admires so much trusts him enough to know he's not lying about something so fantastical. He doesn't even look at Tony like he might be insane or have some kind of mental disorder.  
“So she can hear me now?” Yinsen asks.  
“Yeah. It's like, she can only interact with me, but she's still here.” Tony glances her way and she's smiling at Yinsen. “She likes you.”  
Yinsen watches him for a moment and then looks blindly in the same direction Tony is. “I'm flattered. What's her name?”  
“I call her Pepper,” Tony answers.  
“Pepper.” Yinsen nods. “Nice to meet you, Pepper.”

(One night, they have a long, three way conversation with Tony translating, and that's when Tony knows Yinsen is the best man he's ever met.)

Pepper's not always there when they work, letting them build and temper a bond between them. Other times she sits quietly, watching Tony work with the tiniest smile and a brightness in her eyes. Later she tells Tony it's because of the passion, the concentration and focus, the dexterity and power he exudes while he works. Tony's in his element as a mechanic, even if he's only got a box of scraps to play with.


	3. Home

Yinsen's dead and Tony can't help but feel devastated at the death of his mentor. For a moment he just stands there, struggling with himself. It's Pepper who takes his gloved hand in hers and pulls him away from Yinsen's body. He can see tears in her eyes too. "Come on Tony. Time to go. Let's not waste his sacrifice, yeah?"  
Pepper disappears as Tony sets the whole place ablaze, anger burning deep within his heart as the flames lick at his suit. Let the world see what happens when you piss off Tony Stark.  
The flight is exhilarating. The landing isn't fun, ending up buried in the hot sand in a suit that's half torn off and quickly becoming an oven for the rest of him. He rips it off and starts digging his way out, hands scrabbling in the soft sand, metal burning his fingers as he touches it. His shoulder is already a mess of blood and he can't even tell if anything is broken.  
When he's free, he looks around him. The desert stretches on forever and he can't see a single damn thing except the sand and the sky and the mountains. He's not going in that direction, not back to the caves, and he stumbles to his feet. He knows he has to keep moving. His angel appears at his side and points in a certain direction. She takes his hand in hers again, its coolness soothing him. "This way Tony."  
They don't talk much; Tony's already dying of thirst and they both know without saying that he might have escaped but he could very easily die here if he doesn't find civilisation, if no-one finds him. The sun is unrelenting and Tony imagines that his skin is already blistering.  
But Pepper's presence is a simple comfort to him and however much his body protests he keeps going. He's stumbling now, but Pepper's looked after him all this time, he's sure she's going to get him through this. He falls into a daze, just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, letting Pepper tug him along.  
He thinks he's imagining the whir of helicopters overhead, thinks it's another mirage except they don't work like that and Tony can see the Military aircraft coming in to land as he looks up. He falls to his knees with a yell of pure relief, and smiles at Pepper, unendingly grateful.  
Seconds later he's safe in Rhodey's arms and he never notices Pepper disappearing with a sad smile.

The rest of his rescue is a blur. He wakes up in a bright white room with tubes poking into him and machines humming and beeping and despite the window Tony feels like he's suffocating. He looks around wildly for Pepper but she's not there and he panics. Someone starts talking, a doctor maybe, placating words that Tony doesn't hear.  
Pepper still doesn't come and Rhodey appears but it still takes too long for Tony to calm down. They seem to have expected him to panic, and Tony almost hears the word PTSD being whispered behind him, but he's grateful at least that nobody is asking questions.  
Pepper doesn't return at all during the time he's in the hospital, and Tony begins to believe again that he did go mad and create her to deal with the stress of Afghanistan. Neither she nor Yinsen (and Tony can't help but feel guilty at the thought of his friend) are here to convince him otherwise.  
But Afghanistan still haunts him in his nightmares and his angel still doesn't come.

Tony's finally cleared to return home, flights scheduled and everything. It's a military plane this time, not his jet, but Tony doesn't really care. He's preoccupied on the journey, enough that even Rhodey notices, even if he doesn't comment. Tony contemplates once or twice telling him about Pepper but gets no further than that. He still fears the thought of four white walls for the rest of his life.  
He steps onto the tarmac and it finally feels like home, like it's over. It still feels wrong, but his smile at Happy, loyal Happy who's waiting patiently with the Bentley, is genuine.  
Happy lets Tony alone for the most part, but his driver's relieved smile and quiet 'welcome back' mean a lot to Tony. He grins and resolves to buy Happy a new car of his own sometime soon.

Obie is not pleased with him after the press conference, and neither is Rhodey, although he doesn't say so. Obie does say he'll handle the company and Tony lets him because he needs to fucking rest; he doesn't want to face the sharks of the business world, especially when it's his own Board he's going to be arguing with. Anyway, Obie likes business, he's always been the businessman; Tony's the public face, the inventor. The fact that he's also a damn good businessman when he tries is beside the point because most of the time he doesn't try and he hates business anyway. It's boring and easy and there's too much paperwork and too many smarmy dicks that he has to pretend to get along with.  
And he knows he's going to have to take an interest in the company, he wants to, to sort everything out, check everything over, (find any god-damn leaks) and make sure it's running the way he wants (accountability) but he's happy to let it slide for a while and let Obie do it. Tony's so tired right now, he needs recovery time however much he might pretend not to. He manages to placate them all and escape their clutches to go home, but he knows he's got to do something fast.

“Caused a hell of a storm there, boss,” Happy comments as Tony finally falls back into the car, exhausted.  
Tony manages to bare a grin, shaking his head. “Yeah, that's probably an understatement,” he admits. “But I can't say I wasn't expecting it.” He sees Happy glance back at him in the rear view mirror, but his driver doesn't ask the question everyone else has been practically screaming: why did Tony do this?  
Instead, Happy just nods. “Well it is your company,” he answers comfortably. Happy's not the type to get involved in the controversial business politics, but Tony finds himself very pleased that the man is on his side. The big guy grins a moment later and continues, “They were all desperate for you to return. Changed their minds quickly, I bet.”  
Tony nods appreciatively and leans forward, resting his arms on the back of the shotgun seat. “How've you been Happy?” he asks, genuine in his desire to know what these three months have been like on the other side.  
There's a tense pause, and Tony suddenly wonders how deep this is going to get, but Happy's answer is light when he replies. “Well, I caught up on a lot of TV shows, completed a few video-games, the cars are all in top condition.” He glances at Tony again. “I was just about thinking that I needed a new hobby.”  
Tony grins genuinely. “Hm. I hear trekking into the desert to find sheikhs isn't what it once was,” he comment flippantly.  
Happy shakes his head, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. “I can't imagine why, boss. Is that what this was all about?”  
“Ah, you've got me,” Tony says, stretching out languorously in the back. He's missed this kind of careless, meaningless talk, free to say what he likes and know that Happy probably won't take it in the wrong way. Of course, then he thinks of Pepper, and how she definitely wouldn't. But that thought hurts and though Tony tries to shake it away, it won't go completely. It's strange – Tony's never missed anyone before in the way he misses Pepper now.  
It's almost dark by the time they get to the mansion, and Happy glances at him. “You going out again tonight, boss?” he asks, ostensibly to find out whether he can go home yet. Tony blinks, knowing that Happy's really asking if he's going to go out for a girl tonight. It's a question Happy's asked a thousand times before, but now it makes Tony feel uncomfortable. He looks away, shaking his head. “No. I'm...” He frowns slightly. “No.” He heads into the house silently when the car stops, trying to work it out.  
It's because of Pepper, it has to be. Tony's not sure why, but his usual night-time activities hold no appeal after Pepper. 

Tony distracts himself with other things when he gets down to his workshop.  
He wants to perfect his design. Part of it is just for the creative thrill, the 'coolness' of what the suit of armour will turn out as. (He's just a boy with too many toys, and he knows it, but he's a fucking billionaire, he's meant to have cool toys). Another reason is for security – the very idea of the suit gives him a sense of safety that he really needs right now. However, there is another idea sat drifting in the very back of his mind. This suit, with the power and the right hands, could do good. He can help the people he put in harm's way and try to repair the damage he did because of his own apathy and callousness.  
And there's Pepper. The realistic part of him might be convinced that she was someone he created in his mind, but there's that irrational sentimental feeling that makes him certain she's not. He will search for her. It's not like he's going to cause harm doing so. (Well, only to himself, and Tony is adamantly not thinking of the possibility that she is real, but doesn't know him. That she is a person, but doesn't know anything about Tony Stark and a cave in Afghanistan. That she didn't experience it. That idea is far too scary for consideration and Tony forcefully pushes it out of his mind.)  
So the suit isn't the first thing he does. No, after greeting and reassuring Jarvis and his 'bots (they panicked without him, the stupid, brilliant things), the first thing he does is create a search for Pepper.  
"Jarvis, search every database of the last, hmm, go for fifty years for now, 'Virginia Potts'. Um, add in 'female' and possibly cross reference with 'redhead'. We're looking for an American citizen here. Probably."  
"Yes sir. Might I remind you that searching every known database for such broad parameters could take over a month?" Jarvis reminds him, and Tony sighs.  
"Yeah, J, I know. But it's important. Red Pepper protocol, my private server, lock it to my access only." He has to find his angel. Whatever it takes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for reading and leaving kudos and commenting: it really means a lot to me! :) I'm finding your theories concerning Pepper pretty interesting too.


	4. Friends

Pepper's still not come back, and it takes a lot of effort for Tony to stick to his resolves about weapons manufacturing when everyone seems to want to kill him for it. (Not literally, and that's refreshing because he's somehow gotten used to seeing murder in the eyes of every stranger.) Everyone is still trying to get Tony to talk about Afghanistan, the weapons, the company, and then the Board decides they're going to file an injunction. Apparently Tony's insane for wanting to have a better legacy than bloodletting.  
Even Happy eventually asks why Tony's so against weapons now, although he's more curious than judging. Tony starts explaining and ends up spilling his guts to him, telling him about the cave and the weapons and the suit and Yinsen. (Not Pepper, not yet.) It's not exactly that he's against weapons. He just can't risk them falling into the wrong hands. He's vaguely letting people believe that once he can be assured that they won't, that he might start weapons manufacturing again. He knows he won't, but if they want to infer that, then that's not his problem.  
And Happy is a damn good listener and, as Tony comes to realise, he's a damn good friend and Tony wishes he hadn't taken Happy for granted as an employee before Afghanistan, because he can tell that Happy _cares_. Not about the business, but instead about Tony himself. It's nice, having another friend. Afghanistan has sort of made him realise he can count his friends, real friends, people he trusts, on one hand. Obie, Rhodey, Happy. Pepper. When one of them is someone that is probably a figment of imagination, that's not at all comforting. 

Tony approaches Rhodey next, hoping to get his best friend back. (He's been distant since Tony announced he wasn't making weapons any more, and that hurts. Tony thought their friendship was worth more then that.)  
It doesn't work, and that's even more painful, the way Rhodey blows him off angrily without even listening to what he has to say. Pepper was wrong. He's clearly never been a good enough friend to Rhodey, because Rhodey doesn't even trust him any more. 

It's only a few weeks later that Tony meets someone new who he might be able to consider bringing into his circle of trust. At the fire fighter’s benefit, a nondescript guy in a suit approaches him. Agent Coulson of the Strategic Homeland something or other. Tony wonders why nobody's realised that spells out SHIELD yet. Except Tony's sure he's already heard of an organisation called SHIELD, back when his dad would go on and on about Captain America, and mention Agent Carter and all the secret work he wasn't supposed to talk about. Tony doesn't know if Coulson's lot are the same people, but he gets the feeling he can trust Coulson at least. He starts talking about setting up an appointment, something about needing to talk about the 'circumstances of his escape.'  
Tony feels like rolling his eyes, even when Coulson says it's important, that they've had eyes on the situation in Afghanistan ever since he went missing, partly to try to find him. They know about the weapons situation, and Coulson tells him the fault is at this end. In the company. A mole, maybe, or someone looking for more money. Tony hates that idea, and he's prepared to say so; then Coulson apologises quietly.  
"I understand it's difficult to believe, Mr Stark, and that you probably don't want to. I assure you, we completely believe you have no part in this. SHIELD can help you. I can help you." The steady voice and quiet offer mean more to Tony than he's willing to admit. Something about the man reminds Tony of Pepper, he thinks she would have liked the steadfast, calm man.  
"Keep talking, Agent," he replies, more determined now to get to the bottom of this mess. Coulson tilts his head at him, as though he's reassessing everything he's known about Tony, and there's a smile playing at his lips. Tony smirks back. He likes destroying people's first impressions of him. Call it a hobby.  
“We should talk about this in private,” the agent suggests, “If we could set a date...”  
Tony's about to suggest now, because there's no time like the present (or something) and really, he hasn't actually got that much interest in being here.  
That's when a blonde reporter corners him. (Does he know her? Oh, yeah. She was the one who cornered him the night before the flight. Who called him the merchant of death. Tony remembers laughing, not caring about any collateral damage. It's painfully ironic and he should have taken that as a warning. The night was fun though.) She's not impressed by him at all now, and Tony can't blame her. He's not really listening to her - she's a reporter, for god's sake - until she mentions Gulmira (Yinsen's village, why does that hurt so much?) and his company's shipments. Tony's head snaps towards her and he snatches the pictures out of her hands, leafing through them. Fuck. Coulson was right. Tony glances at the agent, and stalks away to find Obie. The man needs to know about this. Or explain.

What Obadiah tells him on the red carpet, whispering in his ear in front of the reporters kills the billionaire inside. “You can't afford to be this naïve,” Obie's voice murmurs, “Who do you think filed the injunction?”  
It doesn't take a genius to work out what Obadiah means.  
Tony's known betrayal before in his life, but not like this. Not on this scale. He can't believe it was Obie; Obie dealing under the table, Obie who filed an injunction against him. He doesn't want to believe it. Obie couldn't have. Not the Obie who practically brought him up after his parent's death, who mentored and guided him. But Tony can see now, so clearly, how he was being steered in the wrong direction, moulded to become someone who made the best weapons, always better, always more and more destructive, until he didn't care any more.  
Tony's almost grateful Afghanistan happened to open his eyes. And to give him Pepper. (Not that Pepper's here now, she probably wasn't real, but Tony doesn't want to think about that. Ignoring his problems has always been a solution he's preferred.)

Coulson finds him on the steps outside the hall, staring after Obie blankly and ignoring the photographers and the reporters trying to get a reaction out of him. The agent squeezes his elbow and tugs him away.   
“Are you all right Mr Stark?”  
Tony stares at him for a moment before he snaps himself out of it. He surprises himself when he gives the honest answer and shrugs. He passes the photos to Coulson. “I'm going to deal with this.” Tony doesn't tell him he was right about the mole in the company, (although is it really a mole when it's so high up?) but he knows Coulson understands that from the way he looks at him carefully and nods. He doesn't ask how, he simply trusts Tony, and the genius really appreciates that right now.  
“Okay. Is there anything else SHIELD, or I, should know?” Coulson asks and Tony's almost sure the man's omniscient or something and he's starting to feel like he's being questioned by Dumbledore. Tony finds himself biting his lip and considering the agent. He wants to tell him everything Obie just snarled at him, but something stops him. However great a guy Coulson may seem to be, however much Tony might instinctively trust and like him – reason breaks in. He's only just met the guy. And he's a government agent. SHIELD, maybe, is better than any of the others. But Tony's never been good at trusting the authorities. Tony finds he's not against Coulson knowing, but he can't bring himself to do the explaining. (Admitting it out loud always makes it more real, and Tony doesn't want to think about Obadiah right now.)  
So after a long moment of thought, he shakes his head. “I'll call you.”  
Coulson nods thoughtfully, and hands Tony a card with his number on. Tony nods at him and disappears off into the night. He wishes Pepper were here to tell him how far he can trust Coulson.

It's starting to hurt, thinking of his angel, and Tony's starting to feel betrayed by her lack of presence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of a filler chapter, bringing in Phil, but Coulson will be more important later. I basically just wanted to expand on Phil and Tony's friendship in canon. 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who's reading this and kudos-ing and everything.


	5. Iron Man

Tony flies to Gulmira to finish what he started when he burnt the terrorist camp down. The same fire is burning through him now, the fire that avenged Yinsen, because that job isn't finished yet. He's angry; angry for Yinsen and desperate to correct his own wrongs. Going back to Afghanistan should scare him but this time he feels invincible.

His mission is successful. The suit works perfectly, even if the military think he's a threat and there are a few hiccups getting it off. (Jarvis is never going to let him forget that, he knows.)   
When Tony stumbles upstairs for coffee, Happy and Agent Coulson are in the lounge. He would be annoyed that the agent has entered his house uninvited, but he can't find it in himself to honestly care. Tony blinks at them stupidly, starts to make an excuse, but judging by the way Coulson is looking at him, he already knows what's going on. (He would belong to a pretty poor intelligence organisation otherwise.) And Happy always seems to know what's going on. Maybe he just conspires with Jarvis or something but Tony's sure he's never had to update the man on his situation.   
“I would offer to keep this escapade off the record, but given that your brush with the military, I'm not entirely sure that's possible. I have people taking care of it,” Coulson states evenly. Tony wants to retort that Rhodey's already taking care of it, but for once he doesn't want to seem ungrateful. Or expose Rhodey. Because that would be ungrateful too. (At least Rhodey might be swinging back towards his side.)  
Tony raises an eyebrow. “Like SHIELD will just forget about it,” he replies. He did his research on SHIELD before flying off recklessly.   
Coulson looks at him carefully. “You recognise the name then.” He nods. “Director Fury said you might.”   
Director Fury doesn't sound like someone Tony wants to associate with and he shrugs. “Some of Dad's drunk ramblings stuck with me, yeah.” There's a pause that threatens to turn stifling at that, and Tony feels obliged to break it. “So what now, you've come to tell me off?” he asks, a bit sharply, but there's no malice in his voice and he smirks slightly at Coulson. He'd like to see the man try.   
“I'm off the clock ,” the agent replies calmly, shrugging.   
Tony snorts and shakes his head. “You guys are never 'off the clock',” he points out, but he does relax, because if Coulson's here simply because he wants to be, then Tony's perfectly okay with that. This guy has the kind of morals and rules Tony can respect. (Even if he will certainly ignore any rules the guy tries to implement.)  
Coulson gives him a look that's unamused on the surface, but Tony can tell he's agreeing with him. “So why the suit?”  
Tony regards him silently for a moment and then gives him the short answer. “I want to get rid of my weapons. I gotta stop the destruction that I'm responsible for.”   
“It's not your fault, boss,” Happy says quietly. “You didn't know.”  
“I didn't _want_ to know,” Tony snaps back, and then sighs, running a hand down his face. Getting more guilt ridden about this isn't going to help anything. “I have to do this. It's the right thing to do.”   
This time the room does fall silent for a long moment, and Tony is almost unnerved by the fact that they're _not_ arguing with him about this. Their looks range between understanding and concerned and Tony doesn't want to think about what that means. He turns to Happy and changes the subject. "Who's my PA right now?" (They seem to change weekly these days, Tony gave up years ago trying to keep track of the names.)  
Happy shakes his head and grins wryly. "You're sort of in-between boss."  
Tony frowns. "Oh right. Uh, can you do me a favour then?" He needs the shipping records of all the illicit weapons Obie's been dealing. He needs to destroy them. But he also needs to fix the suit, and Happy's the only other person who could walk into his office without suspicion. He tells him what he wants, even manages to explain why. Coulson's watching him with an interested expression, and Tony can tell he's remembering every detail – probably to file it away in some Super-Spy Vault of Secrets. He can't bring himself to be too bothered about that right now. If SHIELD decide to arrest him for destroying illegal weapons, Tony will bring them down with him.   
Happy agrees, and Coulson, after a moment of thought, volunteers to go with him. Tony feels strangely lonely when they both disappear, but he steps into the kitchen to make that cup of coffee. 

He doesn't realise how shaken he is from this Gulmira mission until he's struggling to stand up. He collapses onto one of the stools in the kitchen, which doesn't help much, but at least it stops his legs feeling like jelly. It seems he isn't so good at distancing himself as he thought he was. Then again, this is probably rather different. He _couldn't_ distance himself from it, he's already connected to it. Yinsen's home village. And maybe Tony knows the man's family is dead, but these people, he must have known them, been friends with them. Failing to save them would have destroyed Tony.  
But it's scary. He's barely coping with this and the mission had gone as close to perfect as it could have done. (If you ignored his skirmish with the military. Which Tony is pretty keen to do, he still can't make his mind up about how far he could trust Rhodey. With the knowledge of the suit, sure. But with his friendship? Tony knows he can, but he's surrounded himself with a protective shell after all these betrayals and he's not sure he wants to let anyone back in.)  
He's not entirely sure how long he sits in the kitchen for, staring blankly and trying to calm himself down, his heart rate feeling uncontrollable. He's done this before, night after night after the nightmares, but it never works. Pepper is still the only way he's ever known to calm himself down after a nightmare. And Gulmira might not have been a nightmare, but it's haunting his mind like one now.

The phone rings and he manages to make it to the lounge to answer it, Happy's voice sounding urgent on the other end. But he doesn't hear what he says, because there's a high pitched whining in his ears and the sound of Obie laughing and that's when Tony realises the full extent of this betrayal.  
He's yelling for Pepper in his head, but she still doesn't come. He's full blown panicking inside, Obie's actually terrifying him (he won't admit that, but having his mentor turn on him so literally is fucking frightening) and Pepper still doesn't appear.  
Obie rips his heart out of his chest and leaves him for dead.  
No Pepper.  
It's the first time since this whole thing started that he honestly believes that his angel isn't real.  
He doesn't even know if the effort he exerts in crawling into the elevator and down to the workshop to get his arc reactor is worth it. But his friends are in danger and Obie has to be stopped. Maybe Pepper isn't real, but there are some things Tony has to do. There's not a choice here, he just knows that it's right.

()

“We have to get back there, he answered but he's not there,” Happy says urgently, already starting the car.  
Phil looks concerned but he frowns. “You think Stane went there?” They'd bumped into Obadiah on their way out of SI, and the man hadn't looked pleased to see them. With what they know now, and the way Phil saw Tony react to Obadiah Stane on the red carpet last night, his suspicions are high.  
This morning, Happy would have argued that Stane would never hurt Tony. He might be more interested in the company than the man, but he had Tony's best interests at heart. Now, with the knowledge that it was Stane who sent his best friend to Afghanistan to be murdered, Happy would cheerfully kill the man himself.  
“I don't know,” he answers, scared for Tony. “But something's wrong.”  
Phil is quiet for a moment. “Go to my office. We need a team for this. We can't take him on alone. Not if those blueprints are right. It's more important to arrest Stane before he uses the suit. We don't know for sure that he's at the house.” He's worried about Stark too, but he keeps a level head, because he has to. And he knows, either Tony can protect himself with the suit – or it's probably already too late. And Stark would want them to stop Stane.  
Happy frowns, almost sensing Phil's morbid thoughts as he skids around a corner to head in the direction of the LA SHIELD base. “Alright. But I'm sending Rhodey over there to check.” He's not going to let Tony down now.  
Both decisions are the right ones in the end.

()

The arc reactor explodes and Obie's dead. Tony's on the brink of unconsciousness and he swears he hears Pepper's voice yelling for him as the world blacks out.

He doesn't remember when he wakes up.

"Iron Man. I like that," Tony says, grinning at Happy and Coulson once his latest stand-in PA has finished covering up the bruises on his face. Rhodey's already on stage, lying through his teeth about the events that occurred and Tony's involvement in them. Rhodey's always been good at giving the press BS. And he's always willing to do it for Tony. Which he's grateful for, honestly.  
Coulson shakes his head at him, both amused and disapproving, handing Tony a set of cards. "This is your cover story."  
Tony nods and leafs through them, still talking. “Yeah, yeah. I mean, Iron Man's not really accurate anyway. It's a gold-titanium alloy, but I guess that's not quite as good a stage name.” He shrugs. “I'm still not sure about this idea of a bodyguard. I'm not exactly that safety-conscious.”  
“Yeah well, I'm the one who's gonna be declared useless now that you have a gold-titanium alloy 'bodyguard' watching over you,” Happy grumbles, grinning when Tony narrows his eyes at him.  
“Unless people suspect _you_ ,” he points out easily, hiding his sarcastic smirk.  
Phil's cough sounds suspiciously like a laugh. Happy glares at the both of them but shrugs. Tony hides his smile. This is what it feels like, he muses, having proper friends. It's strange, how quickly the Agent made the transition to friend, Coulson to Phil, but the guy did save Happy's life, quite possibly Tony's life, and these things count a lot in Tony's books.  
A moment later, Tony looks up at Phil. “These say nothing about Stane,” he says quietly, waving the cards. He knows it would make the stocks drop, it would cause too many awkward questions, but a part of him wants Stane's villainy to be known. He wants people to know that he, Tony, fought him and beat him and prove that everyone should think twice about crossing him.  
Phil looks apologetic. “Official story will be a small aircraft accident while he's on holiday. I know it's not easy, but it saves the complications of possible legal ramifications. After all, you _were_ responsible for his death.” (Yeah, there's that legal ramification too. He forgot about that.)  
Tony nods slowly. “Alright.” He doesn't like it at all. Because this means no one is going to know the truth, and that means he has to pretend to be grieving over the bastard. He's pretty certain Obie's betrayal isn't something he's ever going to get over. But he'll manage just fine. If there's one thing Tony's always been good at, it's faking it for the public.  
“Stick to the cards,” Coulson reminds him again. “Keep it simple.”  
Tony nods, and at that moment he intends to. Happy's looking doubtfully at him, but before he can say anything it's his cue and he walks out on to the stage.  
Those fateful words are a cry for attention, he knows they are - he just wants Pepper to come back.   
"I am Iron Man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's commented and kudos-ed and is reading and enjoying this. It means a lot to me. You're all awesome.  
> And yes, no Pepper in this chapter. Getting impatient yet? I'm sorry. (Not really).   
> But is Pepper even real? That's the question.


	6. Hope

Iron Man doesn't solve everything. The stocks do start climbing again, thank god, but it's a slow process. And it increases his workload tenfold. He methodically finds the rest of his weapons across the world and destroys them, simultaneously fighting terrorists and saving lives and being labelled as a hero. But saving people from his own inventions doesn't feel heroic. He's not a hero. He's just a man finally doing something worthwhile.  
Being Iron Man doesn't solve the problem of Pepper either. Jarvis still hasn't turned up anything useful, or relevant, and Tony's belief in his angel is slowly being eroded. She's starting to feel like someone he met in a dream, once upon a time. He's losing hope.  
It doesn't help that he's slowly falling apart inside. The nightmares that had started to wane after escaping the cave returned with a vengeance after Obie betrayed him and left him for dead. Tony isn't sure he'll ever recover from that. Except the fact that Obie tried to kill him, multiple times, _the fact that he_ _almost succeeded_ , doesn't stop Tony from missing the man. The man he was – or at least, the man Tony thought he was. And the knowledge that he, Tony, killed that man is a little too much to bear sometimes. To grieve the man responsible for Afghanistan, for the weapon shipments, _for Yinsen,_ makes Tony's gut twist with disgust and guilt. But he can't stop himself feeling. (Pepper would be able to make sense of it.)  
And then on top of everything else, Tony's dying. He's started to hate irony, because the one thing that's keeping him alive is killing him, slowly and probably painfully. He's just rebuilt his life, there always has to be something tearing him down again doesn't there?. He looks for a solution for weeks, confident that there will be one. The night he realises he's gone through all the elements with no results, the night that he's forced to suddenly (and not for the first time, but it looks like his last time) to come to terms with an outlook of certain death on the horizon, is the night he gets absolutely and completely hammered.

 That's when his angel appears. (Did he mention he hates irony?)

 For a moment Tony can't believe his eyes, sure he's just imagining her. (Imagining an imagining. What is going on in his mind?) But then Pepper smiles at him and steps forward and Tony knows it's her.  
And it's not the reunion he's been wishing for since Afghanistan. Because suddenly he's angry and bitter because she wasn't here and he needed her and she wasn't here.  
"Where were you?" he slurs drunkenly at her and she frowns.  
"You shouldn't be drinking so much."  
Tony shakes his head and scowls. "Where were you?"  
"When?"  
"Any when," Tony replies, and then looks away. "The shit with Obie. When Rhodey didn't trust me." Those are the bits that hurt the most, and for the first time Tony doubts if she is his guardian angel, because she wasn't here and he needed her.  
Pepper sighs and sits down next to him. She looks really upset and Tony frowns in confusion at her.  
"I don't get to choose, Tony. I'm not in control of this, I don't know how it works." She looks up at him and Tony hates himself even more because there are tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry."  
Tony shakes his head. How can he stay angry at her now? "S'okay," he answers, feeling about ten times more sober.  
Pepper still doesn't look happy but Tony reaches out and grabs her hand and she wraps him in a hug that he returns whole heartedly. They're silent for a while, Tony taking the moment to simply enjoy the fact that she's come back, even if that surely means his mind is broken again.  
"Maybe..." Pepper starts a second later and Tony startles.  
"What, my mind might be broken?"  
Pepper blinks at him. "What? Oh, no. Your mind is fine, Tony," she says, a soft hand on his cheek. Tony doesn't care if he's visibly leaning in to the touch, it's Pepper and he's missed this so much.  
"Maybe what then?" he prompts a few seconds later.  
"Maybe there are some things you have to do on your own. Maybe it's to prevent you relying on me for everything."  
Tony thinks about that for a second, and while it makes sense, it also very much doesn't. "But doesn't that imply some sort of greater power that's controlling this for my benefit? I don't believe that." He's been an atheist all his life, he's not going to stop now.  
Pepper shrugs. "I don't know, Tony. How else am I here?"  
There's silence again as they think about that, a question that's somehow become important again. 

When Tony wakes up next morning, he's still on the couch in the workshop and his angel's arms are still tight around him, her hand combing softly through his hair. (He wonders absently if she sleeps, if she even needs to, and why he didn't think about that in Afghanistan. Then again, his mind had probably been just a little bit preoccupied.) The comfort he's drawing from Pepper just about makes up for the wicked hangover he brought about last night.  
Pepper smirks at him when he tries to move and groans. He scowls at her, but his eyes are firmly shut now so the effect is somewhat depleted.  
It's Jarvis who interrupts them this time. "Sir, I have found some new information regarding your Red Pepper protocol." (Again with the irony.)  
Tony sits up with a bang and Pepper gives him an amused smile. "Red Pepper?"  
Tony just shrugs sheepishly and stumbles over to the computer station, squinting at the screen. "Dim the lights a little, would you J," he mumbles before tapping at the article at the front of the pile Jarvis has arranged on screen. He reads it slowly, blinking at it in wonder. Then he stares at the accompanying picture in amazement. "Pepper! Pep, come look at this! I found you!"  
"I believe I was the one to do the work, sir," Jarvis interjects and Tony waves a hand lazily. "Tooting your own horn, Jarvis," he answers as Pepper steps over to him.  
Jarvis retorts gamely, "I believe you get more and more hypocritical every day sir. Would you like me to research remedies for that?"  
But Tony only mumbles something in reply because he's watching Pepper and the way her eyes widen and her jaw drops open in amazement as she reads the article about herself.  
It's a simple news report, a headline article for a local newspaper, a missing persons report. Virginia Potts, of New Haven, Connecticut, reported missing by her employer after an unexplained absence from work and subsequent investigation. There's no mention of any family, and the news reports that follow show that she was never found, no clues, no apparent perpetrator, and with no friends or family pushing, the investigation was dropped. It's not much to go on, but it's more than enough for Tony.   
He waits impatiently for a while for Pepper to read it, and then to give her a moment of thinking to herself. "You're real. You're really real Pep."  
Pepper's smile is so brilliant and bright and hopeful and Tony thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. 

So, he loves Pepper. The realization hits him hard. There are very few people Tony's ever loved in his life, and never in this way.  
And while it's a relief that at least he knows Pepper's real and he's not instead realizing that he's fallen in love with someone he dreamed up (it's pretty accurate though, for the girl of his dreams... Jeez, that was sappy), Tony can't help but feel a little bitter about it. Pepper's not real yet, she still disappears and reappears and he's the only one who can see her, and, well, there's his little problem to think about. The one where he's kinda only got months, if that, to live.  
The statistical likelihood that he's going to find Pepper in time to see her is minimal. And even if he does, well, it won't be long until he's dead.  
Not much hope there.  
It's for this reason he resolves to keep his feelings to himself - at least, as much as he can because he swears she can read his mind at times. (Literally, read his mind, not just that thing where someone knows a person so well they can tell what they're thinking, because Tony has always found that just kinda creepy.)  
If she knows, she doesn't say anything.

 


	7. Legacy

If he's going to die, Tony wants to make sure he's leaving the right kind of legacy. Iron Man isn't enough, in fact in the wrong hands Iron Man would be exactly the wrong kind of legacy.

The company is the easiest thing to work on. Weapon manufacturers no more, he's been turning Stark around, to new technology, computers and energy and mechanics. R&D is the biggest department, Tony's pouring money to try and get SI flying again. His own inventions have already dragged them up, Iron Man giving them a little extra oomph. He wants them to do better.

He's ignoring the problem of who's going to get the company. He's allowed to appoint his own successor, but those he trusts have no business knowledge, leaving it to them would be fatal. Leaving it to the Board would result in a return to weapon creation. Or worse, the company being bought out, sold off, dying. Tony still has the desire to leave his mark on the world, he doesn't want to see his family's company reduced to dust. He hopes he'll find someone in time.

It's not likely.

The Expo though, that's his one way of ensuring something is left behind. His last gift to the world, promoting and inspiring and creating new technological breakthroughs. Even if the company, Iron Man, if they die with him, there's still something left. If he can die with the knowledge that he's inspired people to do great things, he'll be pleased.

The only thing that would please him more would be to find his angel before he dies.

Iron Man's the trickiest. He'd like to find a replacement, someone he can trust to do the right thing with the suit, to keep it from being a weapon, used for ambition and power. But right now, nobody fits that bill. None of the people he trusts completely have the skills, the power. (It's only three people right now; Pepper, Happy, Phil, and Tony can only hope that number isn't going to shrink again.)

When he doesn't consider Rhodey, Pepper tries to insist that Tony does something about the barely holding together friendship between them.

“He's your friend, Tony. Your best friend.”

Tony shrugs. “That doesn't mean he still wants to be.” (Okay, maybe he is wallowing in self-pity here, but he's dying. Isn't he entitled to that?)

“Oh for god's sake Tony.” (Apparently not.) “Just because he turns you down once, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be your friend. He made a mistake. A big one, maybe, from your point of view, but have you considered that he might regret it? That he still has your back anyway?”

Tony, who is somewhat startled by the tirade, shakes his head dumbly. And Pepper does have a point. Rhodey didn't hesitate to come to his aid after Obie fucking ripped the heart out of his chest. He covered up for him more than once. But despite this, they haven't managed to claw their friendship back together and Tony can't help but think that whilst he might not be trying, neither is Rhodey.

He sighs, looks at Pepper and tries to make his words coherent. It's painful to even say them. “I... Honestly. I want to trust him. I just... Can't.” Losing Rhodey, who's stuck with him through his shit ever since MIT, the guy who bothered to become friends with that geeky fifteen year old, is possibly worse than Obadiah's betrayal.

Pepper considers him for a moment and Tony thinks she's going to try and convince him to try anyway, but then she just sighs and scoots closer to him, pulling him close and enclosing him in her arms. Tony tucks his head under her chin and slowly relaxes as fingers comb through his hair. “Okay. Just don't give up on him completely,” Pepper says softly. Tony murmurs something in agreement and snuggles further into her arms.

He never bothers putting his feelings for her into words. He can't bring himself to. (Part of him is still trying to hide it.) But by now he's sure it must be obvious.

()

When Happy comes down to the workshop a few days later to find Tony having a conversation with what looks like himself, Tony decides it's time to tell him about Pepper. Not that Happy even rolled his eyes at the scene of Tony talking to 'himself' but it was the principle of the thing. And Tony wants to tell someone, dammit. Pepper agrees. She likes Happy apparently. Something to do with his loyalties being in the right place. Tony pretends that that hasn't affected him as much as it has. (He will not be made into a jealous fool.)

He puts it off for a while though. And he's still debating whether or not to tell Phil. After all, he trusts the agent pretty much completely by this point. Phil's been the middle-man between him and SHIELD for almost every single thing Iron Man does. He sort of thinks that Phil must have better things to do, but apparently no one else wants to deal with Tony Stark. There are times when Phil's on a mission somewhere else, SHIELD's system sucking him back in for a little while, and a replacement agent only ever appeared once. Never again, apparently. (Tony just smirks at that. It's good to know he's still got it.)

Pepper tells him that that's just an excuse, that Phil wants to work with him because he genuinely likes him, not because he's the only one Tony trusts. Tony finds the evidence of that later, when he hears about the argument Phil had with Fury over a new assignment that 'Sitwell was perfectly capable of overseeing.' Phil's calm irritation means a lot to Tony.

Also, Happy's sort of becoming increasingly good friends with Phil. (Apparently, it's something to do with being the team that holds Tony Stark's life together, it's a bonding experience or something.) Tony doesn't want to force Happy to keep secrets, especially one of this magnitude, from Phil. And, to an extent, he has to admit, he hopes that when he tells them, each others' presence will temper their reactions a bit if need be. Phil must have seen a lot of weird things in his time, working for SHIELD, this is surely not going to be the worst.

It ends up being after the senate hearing that Tony spills, locked away in his suite in DC.

Of course, he spends the first twenty minutes ranting about the hearing, about the stupidity of the government – _if he was going to start acting irresponsibly and hurting people, what would have been the point of revealing his identity? Now they know who he is if they want to punish him –_ and their god-damned selfishness – _they just want the technology for themselves, they just want to be the most powerful nation in the world, period_ – and the cheap shot of getting Rhodey involved. Tony tries to cover up how much of a betrayal that feels like, but he's pretty sure the guys don't buy it. He knows Pepper doesn't.

But between the three of them they eventually talk him down and Tony collapses in a chair to tell them The Secret.

It's a lot more work to explain it to them than it was to Yinsen, because for one thing it matters more now if they think he's insane. And Tony can't explain what, but there had been something about Yinsen that had always made him more sure of himself. But he struggles through the words until the end, keeping talking so that they don't interrupt. Pepper holds his hand the whole time, prompting him when he starts to lose his direction and that makes it a bit easier. He continues to stare at the floor for a long time in the ensuing silence when he finishes, until Pepper nudges him and forces him to face them.

Phil's expression is inscrutable, which is really not helpful and he looks at Happy instead. The bigger guy is frowning slightly, like it doesn't quite make sense, but then again, Happy quite often has that expression when Tony goes off on a science-ramble, so that doesn't tell him if this is good or bad. Tony glances up at Pepper helplessly. Pepper just shrugs. “Maybe you broke them,” she suggests, a mischievous light in her eyes and Tony can't help but smirk.

“So this was all it took? Huh.” Of course, to Happy and Phil it still seems like he's talking to himself, and Happy looks at him.

“All it took to what?”

Tony grins. “Oh, there we go. Back with me now? Pepper thought I'd broken you.” He watches Happy quietly for a moment, almost warily, still waiting for a reaction to his revelation.

Happy's looking at the empty space Tony keeps glancing at, and while he's still trying to wrap his head around the concept, he's pretty sure Tony's not lying. And he already knew the guy was insane. He shrugs. “Ah, what the hell. Okay. I believe you.”

The feeling of relief is amazing, even though Tony hadn't realised he was quite that tense until he relaxed. Pepper's giving him an 'I told you so' look, so Tony just sticks his tongue out at her and looks across at Phil. “What about you, Agent?”

Phil blinks at him like Tony tore him out of his thoughts, and he visibly gathers himself and nods. “Honestly, Stark, I've dealt with far stranger things in my time. I was wondering how it was possible.”

“We don't know,” Tony says quickly. “But I know for sure she's real. At least, Virginia Potts is a real person. Missing person.” He never likes to think of the possibility that even if they find her, the real, human her, she won't know him. Won't be his angel.

“I can look through the SHIELD databases if you like,” Phil offers. “Discreetly.”

Tony shrugs, glances upwards. Pepper looks interested and she squeezes his hand, so he nods. “Thanks.” He gives Pepper a soft smile, excited by the prospect of finding her – and soon. (Death waits for no man.)

Phil and Happy exchange glances. It's rare to see Tony looking this happy, content even. If this is the effect Pepper has on Tony, whether she's real or not, they're satisfied.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, my writing time got distracted by Pepperony week on tumblr. I'll try and get the next chapter up by the end of the week. :)


	8. Threat

Well, Tony might be dying, he might have the Government breathing down his neck, but at least he has a hot new assistant to take his mind off things. It's almost a shame he doesn't do the sleeping with his PA thing any more. He likes to think he's gained more morals now. (There's probably also the contributing factor that he's somewhat hopelessly in love with Pepper. But he's trying to keep that one quiet.)

Natalie Rushman is the latest sent up by HR to fill the ever changing position of PA. She's small, hot and remarkably competent. It's strange how varied her skill set is – she takes down Happy in the ring in one move – but Tony's not complaining. If she's interesting and mysterious then that's one more thing to take his mind off the harsh reality of his future. He's just sure he doesn't like the way she seems to stare _through_ him rather than _at_ him. It's a refreshing change, sure, but it's a bit unnerving. (Only Pepper's allowed to look at him like that.)

She actually lasts until the Monaco visit, which is extraordinary because that's four weeks since she arrived, a whole week longer than anyone's lasted in years. Monaco is his first vacation in years too. He's dying, he feels he's entitled to some fun. And his car's racing. It's another public appearance that hopefully will get people thinking about other things than taking the suits off of him, because he is not dangerous or delusional (- debatable), and he's certainly not going to turn into a megalomaniac, evil villain type guy. Seriously. Pepper would kill him. Somehow.

()

The visit itself though seems to promise to be fairly boring. Tony amuses himself by putting Justin Hammer back in his place with smooth lines and no lies. (Maybe the business world is full of sharks, but Tony can be the deadliest when he tries. An idiot like Justin, who's all bark and no bite, has no chance against Tony Stark.) And he's already short-tempered, because Pepper's not with him – admittedly, it was a mutual decision that it wasn't a good idea for her to be there when he was in public, as he doesn't need those god-awful senators seeing him talking to 'himself' and deciding he's mentally unstable on top of everything else. But he misses her and it always makes him worry that this might be the time she doesn't come back again. He feels taking his temper out on Justin Hammer is both satisfactory and totally called for. (He knows Pepper doesn't like him either, the slimy git.)

Tony's lounging at their corner table, trying to see if he can get anything more out of Miss Rushman than a coy smile and a shake of the head, when the security breach happens. Some loon walks onto the track in the middle of the race – and targets the Stark Industries car. That can't be a coincidence, Tony knows that instinctively, he has a _lot_ of enemies now, and he's already running to find Happy with his suit when he catches sight of the device that's powering this maniac's electric whips.

This guy has an arc reactor. His arc reactor.

The battle is short but fierce. Tony's enraged that this guy has _his_ technology, he's scared about what this might mean, which almost gives him the edge, but the guy also seems incredibly angry at Tony for some reason and his attack is vicious. The damage to his portable suit is extensive, and the whole thing shakes him up. If one person's got his technology, how many others could also have it? Tony knows better than anyone what this technology in the wrong hands could do. And he knows the Government are going to use this to prove their point. Someone's going to be after his ass.

Tony's determined to get to the bottom of this.

()

The lunatic's already been escorted in armoured vehicles to prison by the time Tony manages to get the damaged suit off. He pauses for a moment to check up on the driver of the Stark Car, who is shaken but not hurt – thankfully crashes are practically normal for F1 drivers. Then Tony storms back inside, his temper fraying. What he really wants to do is get to his hotel room so he can talk to Pepper. But he needs to deal with everything first. (Goddamn responsibilities.)

Happy appears, ready to fuss over Tony's injuries, but Tony shakes his head at him and he subsides. Natalie is at his side, and Tony turns to her.

“I want to know who that guy was and I want a meeting with him. Private. If they won't co-operate, get SHIELD on the line.” He doesn't tell her why, but she nods instantly anyway and steps away to do what he asks. It's kinda nice having someone at his beck and call who is both capable and obedient. (The look she gives him when he mentions SHIELD is strange, but Tony doesn't have the time to think about it now.)

“Are you okay, boss?” Happy asks when she's gone, eyeing him carefully.

Tony nods and shrugs simultaneously. “I want to know how he has that technology,” is the only explanation he gives. He knows Happy's not satisfied, but they're in public and the big guy can't make a fuss. Tony thinks that Happy's known that _something_ is wrong for a long time now. Tony just can't bring himself to tell the guy that he's dying. Which is probably cruel, but, well, Tony's always been a selfish bastard.

Happy hesitates, clearly not convinced by Tony's deflection, but then Natalie returns to say that a meeting's been set up, that he's got about a hundred phone calls waiting, but Tony ignores that and heads to his hotel room. She can deal with it. That's what she's for. He's not interested.

Pepper appears before he even manages to shut the door. Tony turns to face her tiredly, adrenaline wearing off almost instantaneously. He practically sags against the door and Pepper steps forward, smiling slightly with amusement and sympathy. She takes his hand, leading him to the bathroom, and shushes his protests. “You need to take care of that cut on your forehead at the very least,” she says firmly. Thankfully, Tony's pretty used to dealing with his injuries by now, so he treats all his minor injuries with decent efficiency, with only the odd direction from Pepper.

It feels almost like Afghanistan again when he curls up with Pepper on the bed, wounds tended and sore, uncertain of what he's doing and knowing that he's probably going to die. Except that his angel's here so Tony can't really bring himself to care.

()

He meets with the madman before they return to America. It's not easy to tell if the meeting goes well or not. The guy, Vanko, doesn't seem too bothered to be in jail. He doesn't look at Tony, but he tells him enough. He got the designs from his father – Anton Vanko. Tony's never heard of the man, but finding out won't be too difficult. He has both Jarvis and SHIELD at his disposal. (Tony actually wonders why Phil hasn't been in contact already, but Pepper points out that the agent is a busy man, and there hasn't actually been a need for SHIELD to get involved yet. Tony would like to dispute that, but he never wins arguments with Pepper, so he doesn't try.)

The aim of the madman appears to be to try and destroy Tony. That would explain why he was shouting “You lose.” But Tony honestly can't say he's that bothered – the guy's in jail now, what's he gonna do?

It's Vanko's parting words that send a chill down Tony's spine. “Palladium in the chest. Painful way to die.”

Tony almost freezes, turning to eye him darkly. He manages not to falter though, not to retort angrily, and after a long moment of silence he gets himself out of that room before he panics.

 

“How does he know?” The first opportunity Tony gets to talk to Pepper is when they're finally on the jet home. He's been trying not to worry that this highly dangerous, half-crazy Russian guy knows how to build an arc reactor. But he can't ignore the fact that this same guy has realised what nobody else has – that the reactor is killing Tony. It makes him think of spies, infiltrated systems, the ridiculous thought that somebody's inside his head (y'know, apart from Pepper). Tony's starting to scare himself with his own thoughts and that's never a good thing.

Of course, Pepper reassures him with simple logic. “If he's built a reactor, he knows it runs on Palladium. Join that with the knowledge that you've got one in your chest, and it's not a great deductive leap to make, for a scientist.” She squeezes his hand as she talks, sat pressed up against him on the couch. “Anyway, he can't do anything. He's in prison, remember, genius.”

Tony can't stop the way his lips quirk up in a slight smile. He's not quite satisfied though. “He could tell someone.”

“Who's going to believe him?” Pepper reminds him reasonably. “In prison. It would just start up a rumour anyway.”

Tony's sure that the speculation would be enough to hurt Stark Industries and everyone around him anyway – Happy and Phil at least would realise what was going on. But even if the rumour does start... well, Tony's not going to be alive for that much longer for it to seriously bother him.

 


	9. Breaking Down

Death is a funny thing. It's human instinct to fight against it, and Tony's done more fighting than most people. Everyday is a fight, technically, with the shrapnel in his chest. But he also knows exactly what it's like to not want to fight, to want to give up, and he can't stop that feeling from creeping up on him.

He is certain if it wasn't for his angel, he'd have given up long ago. The search for a cure is feeling ever more pointless. None of the elements are viable, no compounds, isotopes, permutations, combinations. Tony is honestly running out of places to look. He doesn't know what else he can try.

Part of him wonders if this was inevitable. Whether the chance of life that Yinsen and Pepper gave him was only temporary. A chance to right his wrongs, and that's it. A comfier death, at least, than dying in an Afghan cave.

But more painful.

()

He cancels his birthday party. Celebrating the fact that he's one year older isn't at all appealing when he's not going to see another year. He's only got weeks left anyway. If he's lucky.  
He gets absolutely wasted instead. Which is how Pepper finds him.

“What are you doing?"  
Tony looks up. Her disappointed expression hurts and so he takes another gulp of scotch and relishes the way it burns down his throat instead.  
"Last birthday. Last chance I have to get smashed," he says with false cheer, raising his glass. "Welcome to the party."  
Pepper looks at him, disapproving. "I'm not sitting here while you drink yourself into oblivion, Tony."  
Tony shrugs. (His judgement began to be impaired about two glasses ago. It's pretty far gone.) "I'll celebrate in peace then."  
"Really?" Pepper shakes her head. "It doesn't look like celebrating to me. It looks like you're indulging yourself in a self-pity party. This isn't going to help cure you, Tony."  
"There is no cure," Tony retorts. "Let's face it, it's too fucking late now. There is nothing. If I drink myself to death it would only put it off by another week or so." Somehow, in his inebriated state, he can't bring himself to give a shit about his life. Or about Pepper. Which is worse, and he's going to hate himself later. Except there might not be a later. In fact, there probably won't be. Certainly won't be much _more_.  
"Tony. You can't think like that." Pepper's voice is more pleading and Tony pauses. And drains his glass while he waits, which is a mistake.  
"Why the fuck not?"  
She keeps trying. "Because you still have a chance."  
"Yeah." Tony shakes his head derisively. "Not sure it's even worth it."  
"What do you mean?" Pepper looks horrified, and she takes steps towards him. "Tony, of course it's worth it. This is your life..."  
"Oh yeah? And what do I have in this oh so great life of mine? A company I don't give a shit about, a suit that's part of the reason I'm dying, three friends and a fucking hallucination I take advice from." He sees the hurt that flashes through Pepper's face and the guilt and shame hit him in the gut, only to promptly be drowned out by the alcohol. "I don't even know why I'm still fucking trying." He can't look at her now. He's passed into completely sloshed and he staggers to his feet, making for the back door.  
"Where are you going?" she demands.  
"Out," is his short reply and Tony kicks the door shut behind him as he stalks out onto the cliff path, with only the occasional stumble. (He'd mastered drunk walking years ago when he'd had to attend galas and meetings completely hammered. The skills seemed to have stuck.)  
Pepper follows him anyway. "You shouldn't be out here in this state."  
And now he's just in a really argumentative mood, on top of being depressed and drunk. "Why not?"  
"You're going to hurt yourself, or worse," she adds, as he stumbles again. She has a point, the path curves dangerously close to the cliff edge.  
Tony simply shrugs. "Right now, I don't give a shit." He chances a quick look up at Pepper, and she looks angry now. And hurt. And upset. And if he was a little bit more sober he would be regretting it all now, and doing something pathetic like throwing himself to his knees in front of her to beg for forgiveness. But he's not, so he doesn't, and instead takes a swig from the bottle still clutched in his hand. "After all," he continues, not even trying to hide the slur in his words, "It would be so much easier wouldn't it? Less painful, that's for sure." He looks towards the cliff edge and ends up stumbling towards it - which is unintentional but probably looks like exactly the wrong sort of intent.  
Pepper screams.  
Tony's world turns black and he falls.

()  
  
He wakes up next morning on the cliff path. Jerking back from the edge, he stares in shock and realises what might have been. He tries to remember what happened but it's a blur where it's not a blank.  
"Pepper?" he asks quietly, looking around. She appears after a moment, as though reluctantly, and she looks upset. Shit. What did he do?  
He swallows hard. "What happened?"  
Pepper studies him silently for a moment, and she's a mixture of angry and upset and terrified that makes Tony's heart clench. "You tried to kill yourself, that's what," she says eventually.  
Tony feels like someone's just stolen the air from his body. He couldn't have. Except the evidence was here, why else would he be on the edge of a cliff? Why would Pepper lie? No. Why would he do that? He was going to die anyway, there was no point in creating an earlier death date. But there was still a problem with all this.  
"If I'd seriously wanted to kill myself, I'd be dead," he says in an extremely quiet voice. He taps the arc reactor. "One twist and pull is all it takes these days."  
Pepper doesn't look appeased; she almost looks more horrified. Or is that scared? He doesn't know. "Tony, you were stepping towards the edge when you collapsed!"  
Tony sighs and shrugs. "If it makes you feel better, I'm not planning anything now. And I wasn't before, either." He's silent for a long moment, tearing his eyes away from Pepper to look out over the ocean. "I don't get why you're so mad at me."  
He can feel Pepper's stare. "You can't think why I'm mad at you for trying to kill yourself," she repeats plainly, an edge to her voice that actually makes Tony wince. But somehow he's still a stubborn ass, so he shakes his head.  
"I'm dying anyway."  
"That's not the point, Tony! That's..." Pepper actually seems so angry at that that she can't find the words. "I am not doing this with you now," she says, and disappears. Presumably to calm down. At least, that's what Tony hopes. What if he's pushed her too far? What if she's not coming back? That thought is more terrifying than waking up on the edge of the cliff.


	10. Secrets

When Tony finally gets back to the house it's swarming with agents in black suits. He yells at them in annoyance, but then stops short, because right in the middle is Natalie in a catsuit, directing them. She's a spy. For SHIELD, maybe, but she's still a spy. SHIELD were spying on him. What for? Why did they think they needed to, he's not exactly hiding anything from Phil. Well, that he's dying, but he's not told anyone, not even Happy. Do they think he's a threat or something?  
Phil didn't tell him about this. That thought hurts. Reasonably, Tony knows Phil has to do his job. But he can't think of any good reason SHIELD could have to be spying on him. And Phil was the one who dealt with him. So was it on his recommendation, or what? It feels like another betrayal, one more to add to the list. Tony shakes his head to himself. Why did he ever think trusting a secret agent would be a good idea. These guys lie for a living.

He doesn't want to deal with this on top of everything with Pepper.

Natalie steps over to him and Tony glares at her. "You're fired."  
She rolls her eyes. "Director Fury would like to speak with you. He's concerned."  
Tony raises an eyebrow. "That's nice for him. Is it painful?"  
"It's not as painful as you might think," the Director's voice says from behind him and Tony tries to hide the way he jumps.  
"Why are you invading my house?"  
"You disappeared. With your increasingly erratic behaviour recently, that gave us cause for concern."  
"Most people try asking nicely," Tony shoots back, throwing himself down onto his couch. "They don't set spies on to someone who hasn't even been given the chance to cooperate."  
Fury actually has the audacity to roll his eye and Tony scowls at him.  
"We are helping you here Stark. You have a problem. I might just have a way for you to fix it."  
Tony fixes the Director with a scrutinising look. "Okay, cut it with the cryptic crap already. You worked it out? Bully for you. Except I'm the expert here, _Nick_. There is no solution. You think I haven't been looking hard enough? Contrary to what everyone seems to think, I don't actually have a death wish."  
Fury doesn't seem at all put out and that just irritates Tony more. "Really? Because you're acting like you have nothing left to live for. But I don't think that's true.”  
Tony wants to tell him that it is true, just for the sake of arguing, because he's really pissed off right now, but he knows he can't. Because he's got Pepper to live for. Except Fury can't know that, can he? “What do you--”  
Fury interrupts him before he can ask though. “Anyway, that's not what I'm here to say, Stark. I'm telling you, you haven't been looking in the right places."  
That distracts Tony and he raises a sarcastic eyebrow. "Oh really? You know of some other expert in arc reactor technology I should be consulting?"  
Fury doesn't say anything, he just waves a hand and an agent marches in and deposits a metal trunk in front of Tony and disappears again. Tony's too distracted to notice Natalie sneaking up behind him until she stabs him in the neck.  
"Ow, fuck!" Tony turns to stare at her in alarm, slapping a hand against his neck. (Which just makes it worse. Predictably.) "What did you just do to me?"  
"Lithium dioxide. It abates the symptoms. Should increase your productivity," Natalie answers succinctly.  
"What are you, a doctor?" Tony scowls.  
"Agent Natasha Romanoff. I'm a SHIELD Shadow. Once we knew you were sick, I was tasked to you by Director Fury."  
"How'd you know I was sick?" Tony asks instantly. “Scratch that, how did you know about _any_ of this?” No answer is forthcoming. That tells him it was Phil for sure and Tony looks down, trying to tell himself that doesn't hurt. He knows Phil has a job that often has conflicting interests, but to send in a _spy_...  
"Alright. You have my attention," he says finally, tone still cold. These guys had just broken into his home - they'd been spying in him, for god's sake. He has a right to be pissed.  
"How much do you remember about your father?"  
Tony frowns. This is not where he wants this conversation to go. He's sick of hearing about his father, his damn legacy. The only legacy that man had left him with was an inability to love. Or at least, the inevitability of hurting the ones you loved. "How is this relevant?"  
"Your father worked with Anton Vanko to develop the arc reactor. But he saw it as a stepping stone to something greater. He was about to kick off an energy race that was going to dwarf the arms race. He was onto something big, something so big it was going to make the nuclear reactor look like a triple A battery. He said, you were the only person with the means and knowledge, to finish what he started,” Fury explains in a matter-of-fact way.  
Tony can't believe that. His father? He was not the type of guy to say that about his waste of a son. "No he didn't."  
"I can assure you he did. You were his greatest hope."  
Tony can't stop the incredulous laugh at the ridiculousness of that. "He said that to you?"  
"I knew him pretty well. He was one of the founding members of SHIELD."  
That is news to Tony. So nobody had thought to tell him that when he first got involved with SHIELD. Great. How many secrets were going to be revealed today? Clearly he couldn't be trusted with anything. "Okay. Fine. What the hell do you want me to do?"  
Fury shrugs. "You can figure this out." He points at the trunk. "It's all in there." He nods at Tony. "You might want to get to work sooner rather than later.”  
So this was what was happening now, was it? Fury was going to feed him that line of crap about his father, tell him absolutely nothing and leave? Really? "Hey, come on, you can't just..."  
"You need to figure this out, no distractions. Agent Romanoff will remain here with her cover intact, Agent Coulson-" Tony winces "-will be supervising you."

Tony turns away as he sees Phil walk in to the room. He watches Natasha leave, taking most of the agents with her. Only Phil's left, but Tony doesn't want to talk to him. He turns again, trying to ignore Phil's presence, and comes face to face with Pepper. He blinks in surprise for a moment. She still doesn't look happy with him.  
"You can't ignore him, Tony. That won't help. You can't ignore your problems," she adds pointedly. "He's a good man. You know that."  
Tony shakes his head bitterly and picks up the trunk, heading straight for his lab. He's still far too angry right now. Pepper still manages to stop him with a hand on his shoulder. "Talk to him."  
Tony sighs. Even now she has so much power over him. What did he have to say to the guy who had sent a spy into his home? Who hadn't trusted him, and so had betrayed the trust Tony had in him? But eventually he turns to face Phil. The agent looks apologetic, regretful even, but Tony just wants to punch him. "A spy," he says flatly.  
Phil almost winces. "I was against the idea..." he starts, but Tony isn't in good enough a mood right now to let him explain himself out of this.  
"Whatever. But you only had to ask, y'know?"  
"Tony, let him try," Pepper tries to convince him, but Tony scowls at her.  
"I don't have to let him try anything," he retorts heatedly. Phil looks between him and, presumably, empty space from his point of view.  
"Tony...." He trails off at the cold glare Tony gives him. Tony then shifts the trunk in his arms and stalks out of the room. This doesn't matter. (He wishes it were honestly possible to convince himself of that. Why can't his brain be logical?) After all, he has work to do. He has to fix his heart. Because otherwise he'll never find Pepper, and with everything that's happened today, he wants that more than anything. 

 


	11. Repairs

Tony drops the box onto a clear corner of floor. Out of habit, he looks around again for Pepper. She's not here. He almost imagines her upstairs, comforting Phil instead, and while the thought is faintly ridiculous, it stings at the time and Tony snarls to himself. He doesn't need her. (Which is even more ridiculous and he can't quite believe he's even thought that.)

The box doesn't seem to hold much, and Tony wonders exactly what Fury is on. There's a couple of cinefilm reels and Tony digs out the projector, collapsing into his chair. His eyes drift over towards the drinks cabinet at one point, but something stops him. He was drunk last night, he knows that much. But he still doesn't really know what else happened. Except that he hurt his angel. Scared her. He can't bring himself to drink and risk doing that again.

He wishes a moment later that he had. The reel is showing the Expo speech. His dad's famous speech on the future. Tony shakes his head, he's seen this so many times, he even used it himself for god's sake, but this seems to be the outtakes or something because Howard's drinking and then he appears. Shooed out without a second word. And Howard just sits there and sips on his drink. Or drains it, apparently. Tony clenches his jaw, tries to banish the memories.

“Tony.”

His head jerks up, but little-him hasn't returned again, instead Howard's looking straight down the camera. Is this... what he thinks it is? Tony watches, his heart feeling like it's being trampled more and more with every word, until...

“My greatest creation, is you.”

It's a few simple words but it's more than enough. Tony wants to call bullshit, this is the only fucking evidence he's ever seen of that, how the fuck can Howard think a _video_ is going to make up for years of ignoring him? He's not going to accept this, he can't...

But there's still a small part of him, the part that's always craved and fought for his father's love and approval and attention and pride. That tiny part of him so desperately wants it to be true.

Tony cries out in frustration, anger, he can't deal with this war of emotions going on inside him, not with everything else that's already happened today. He hurls something at the projector, he doesn't even know what, and watches it crash to the side and smash with little satisfaction. Then he buries his head in his hands and tries not to cry.

It's not clear to him how much time passes before he feels Pepper's hand warm on his back. She gently tugs at his hands until he looks at her. She's crouched next to him, all the anger from earlier gone and the warmth of her gaze is what makes the tears sting his eyes and the lump form in his throat. He tries to say something, but he's not sure what, and Pepper stops him.

“Shh. It's okay Tony.”

He practically falls into her arms then, and she holds him tightly, rubbing his back as he desperately blinks back tears.

It feels like he's sat there for hours, silently drawing comfort from Pepper and trying to keep himself together the best he can. He still doesn't know what to think. But Pepper's here, and she always has an answer. (That's what he loves about her.)

Pepper drops a kiss to the top of his head before she speaks. “You're not obligated to feel anything positive towards him just because he made a video. That still doesn't make up for what he did wrong,” she says quietly.

Tony nods slowly. Those words his father had spoken had been what he'd wanted throughout his entire childhood – this was twenty years too late. But it still feels good to think for a moment that, hey, maybe dad did love him after all. He sighs, still too conflicted to know what to say.

“Don't over think it,” Pepper advises.

Tony almost cracks a grin at that. He either over thinks everything, or doesn't think something through at all. He's not sure what the middle ground is. “I just... I need a conclusion,” he says finally, by way of explanation. He's got too much new evidence today and he needs to file it before he can do anything else.

Pepper pauses, and then shrugs. “He's a bastard, but he loved you, somehow.”

Tony's stunned by the sharpness of that for a moment, and he turns slightly to stare at Pepper. Huh. He'd never realised she wasn't too fond of his dear old dad. He's not entirely sure he agrees with her – it feels simultaneously too harsh and too lenient, but it'll do for now. “Alright.”

Pepper kisses his forehead and smiles at him, vaguely apologetic. Tony manages a slight smile in return, rubbing at his eyes as he snuggles further into her arms.

“I'm sorry,” he murmurs a while later, once his mind has moved on to other matters.

Pepper shifts slightly, tightening her hold on him. “What for?”

Tony shrugs, burying his face in her shoulder. “Whatever I did last night,” he answers, his reply muffled. It's still a drunken blur but he knows he did something wrong.

There's a long pause and Tony's scared for a second that she might get angry again, but she just sighs. “You scared me, Tony. You gave up.” Her voice has a painful catch to it, and Tony swallows hard as he looks up at her. He's never seen Pepper look quite so... lost before. It feels wrong. Pepper's the one who guides him, she always knows what to do, she's not meant to look like that. (And certainly not because of something he did. God. He did this.)

“I...” Tony stares at her painfully. “I won't do it again. I promise.” He's not sure if Pepper believes him, not sure if he believes himself, but it's all he can offer right now. (Really, he's too torn up inside to be able to fix anything, but he'll give it his best shot.)

Pepper looks away for a moment, and when she looks back there are tears in her eyes that make Tony's heart clench. But she smiles softly at him. “Okay.” She brushes a hand through his hair and kisses his forehead again. Tony relaxes and Pepper grins. “Now buck up, Stark. You've still got a lot of work to do.”

()

The moment he discovers the element feels like one of the best in his life – he finally feels proud of his connection to his father and the woman he loves is right next to him, smiling. He's made Pepper proud of him, and nothing can beat that.

 


	12. Is this better?

By the time Vanko calls, Tony's been awake for at least 24 hours, trying to get himself fixed up. He leaves the new element for Jarvis to test and is fully prepared to go and crawl into bed for the foreseeable future – something that Pepper approves of too – but then the phone rings.

Vanko's alive. The insane guy who knew far too much and was supposed to have died in an explosion in the prison. It only takes a moment of hacking for Tony to link Vanko with the jealous little twerp with a weapons demonstration at his Expo tonight – Justin Hammer. Tony knows Hammer is just an idiot, it isn't likely he's actually planning to kill people, but Tony is certain that that is exactly Vanko's plan.

And of course, Tony can't let them cause carnage at his Expo. But he groans about it all the same, even as he changes and heads downstairs again. Pepper's rolling her eyes but she looks worried all the same.

“I'll be okay,” he reassures her, grinning slightly. He hates making people worry about him – but at the same time, it is warming, to know that people _care._ About him.

“I know you will,” Pepper answers, but her smile is slightly shaky as she kisses his forehead and steps away. The faceplate slams down and Tony gives her a lazy salute before he zooms out and north to New York without a second thought.

He saves the day and defeats Vanko. Of course, the Expo still blows up and Hammer gets arrested (not that Tony's got a problem with that. A few years in prison will be good for the jerk). But despite everything, the damage to anything not owned by Stark is minimal and given that no one can really blame Tony for this (though they're certainly going to try, but they're no match for his army of lawyers), Tony thinks it's a job well done. For once.

He is exhausted though. The almost instantaneous detox from the palladium had taken a lot out of him, as had the battle, especially with his lack of sleep or decent food over the last few days. He barely manages conversations with Natasha without falling asleep. Tony lets Jarvis navigate back to Malibu, waking up enough to stumble up to his bed and collapse into sleep again.

()

Pepper isn't there when Happy wakes him up eighteen hours later, but the guy is chivvying him to get to a meeting with Fury so Tony doesn't have time to dwell on it.

When he gets home that evening, after press conferences and meetings with just about everyone and their brother, he simply falls down on the couch and sleeps.

This time when Tony wakes up, he's sure something's wrong, but his brain is still too cloudy to realise what. He looks around, wanders down to his workshop (it's more of a building site than anything else, but that's easily fixed).

Pepper isn't here.

“Hey, Pep?” he tries calling. Nothing. Tony sits around for hours, waiting and hoping. But, no. His angel's gone again. She must have. She had come back because he was dying and now that he isn't, she's gone again. It almost makes him angry. For a moment he's strongly tempted to take the new arc reactor out, replace it with the old one, force her to come back. But he doesn't want to see her face if he does, the disappointment, the anger. And it wouldn't be real, anyway.

()

Happy finds him the next day, still sat hopelessly in the workshop. “You alright boss?” he asks, not entirely serious until he properly looks at Tony and sees that something is seriously wrong here. He frowns in concern, and sits down next to him on the couch. “Tony?”

Tony shrugs and looks away. He doesn't want to explain, that will make this all too real. The words are thick and heavy in his throat. “Pepper's gone,” he says miserably.

Happy swears, resting a hand on Tony's shoulder. “Because you're better?” he asks carefully. Tony looks up at him, brow creasing. It's clear enough Happy's been talking to Phil, because Tony had never told him he was dying. Not that he'd told Phil either, but he hadn't needed to, apparently. (The betrayal still stings, but Tony almost wishes the Agent was here, with his steadying presence.) He sighs then, and nods. “Probably.”

There's a long moment of silence before Happy speaks again. “She'll come back if you need her, right? You know that.” That's probably meant to be comforting, and maybe it is, but it's not enough and Tony doesn't respond. Happy sighs and squeezes his shoulder. “Anyway, you've got time to find her now.” That is actually an invigorating thought, and Tony nods thoughtfully. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess.”

And that's the new project he throws himself into with renewed energy. After he manages to get his workshop cleaned up.

 

Rhodey comes around later, helps him redesign the parts of the house that were destroyed for Tony's magical particle accelerator. And Tony finally pulls himself together and gives Rhodey a suit. He regretfully acknowledges that the military are going to use Rhodey, and therefore his suit, for their bidding, but to be honest, as long as Rhodey's the one in the suit, making the calls, Tony can't bring himself to object. His own death still feels like a very real possibility and Vanko has shown that the world needs Iron Man. Of some form. (Rhodey insists he's not his sidekick. Tony disagrees.) The suit is bulkier, with more obvious and harsher weapons. It's meant to intimidate, and while he personally thinks the colour scheme is kind of boring, it works for the style they're going with. Tony is insisting on calling it the War Machine suit. (He'll make sure it catches on.)

He still doesn't tell Rhodey about Pepper though. He tells himself that it's because she's not here any more, he doesn't need to. He tries to fool himself into thinking that it's not because he still can't quite force himself to trust Rhodey that much yet. With a suit and the lives of the world, with his life, sure. But Pepper is different.

And he's never told anyone about Pepper without having Pepper there. Maybe Tony's a coward, but he can't quite face it without having his angel there with him.

()

SHIELD's assessment kind of stings, but it's also ridiculous enough that Tony can't bring himself to care. _Iron Man, yes, Tony Stark, not recommended._ Like the suits could exist without Tony Stark. Who the hell do they think is piloting them? (Actually, that's not a bad idea, self-piloting suits. He could build himself an army. On second thought... maybe not.)

And seriously, they were trying to get an accurate character assessment while he was literally dying? Anyone would become self-destructive and self-obsessed during that sort of thing, right? If they wanted a god-damn character analysis, couldn't they talk to Phil? Who has, y'know, known Tony for the past year and doesn't seem to have any qualms about breaking Tony's trust. (Yeah, he's still not ready to forgive the guy.)

Tony's kind of put out that they've taken him off the Avengers roster, but in the end being a Consultant works out better. This way he's independent of SHIELD, which he's sure is a bonus for the both of them. And he's sort of a busy man already – he does have a company to run on top of the extra-curricular superhero activities that he already entertains. Fury negotiates a contract with him that chiefly involves scientific, computing and engineering support, but includes support on miscellaneous high risk missions. There's an unspoken agreement that if the Avengers Initiative ever comes to fruition, Tony will be called up, personality profile failure or not.

Tony almost tries to barter for help finding Pepper, but stops himself at the last minute. He doesn't want SHIELD knowing, and anyway, scourging the SHIELD databases was Phil's job. Tony can do this himself. He has Jarvis, after all. He'll find Pepper.

 


	13. Missions

Tony's been lying on this bed for weeks now, always pale and still and silent. It's a sobering sight to see him like this, a man who normally exudes energy. The only time Tony's ever calm is when he's angry. But now he simply looks vulnerable. It's easy to see how many shields the man normally wears, because now they're all stripped away and it's unnerving and slightly scary. It's wrong, because they say when someone's sleeping they should look younger, at peace.

It's still easy to pretend he's sleeping.

It's impossible to ignore the knowledge that he may never wake up.

()()

_Tony's called for more missions than initially expected. He's the asset to turn impossible battles in SHIELD's favour, so the top brass call him out more and more often._

_It's the situation in Nebraska where it all goes south._

_A wave of unidentifiable energy shoots across the sky above the strike team's heads, sending helicopters and jets reeling. Fire rains down as aircrafts explode above them. Nobody can see where the red and gold armoured hero is._

“ _Iron Man, status report.”_

_There's noise on the comm line – the crackling of gunfire and distant yells of other fighters. Screams and burning, but silence from the superhero._

“ _Iron Man, status report!” The repetition is urgent, but there's still no reply._

“ _Iron Man's down,” a different voice eventually cuts in. “Urgent medical attention required. I repeat, urgent medical attention to my position. And bring some goddamn metal cutters.”_

()()

Phil rounds the bed to stand next to Happy, eyes remaining on Tony. “Anything new?”

Happy shakes his head. “Same as always. No changes.”

It's been the same exchange for almost two weeks now. Phil wishes there was some way to fix this. They keep vigil by the billionaire's bedside, but they all know, the longer the coma persists, the less chance Tony has. The whole world knows by now that Iron Man was shot down, that Tony Stark is hospitalised. They don't know the details but Iron Man's popularity ensures that there is an uproar. Still, it's easy to feel that Happy and Rhodey and Phil are the only people who really care about the man lying on the bed.

Eventually only Happy is left, as Rhodey returns to work and Phil's called for a mission. Which is fair enough, they could hardly be expected to sit by Tony's bedside for weeks. It's simply that Happy's job is lying in the bed in front of him. Sure, as time goes on he gets the feeling that the doctors and nurses and agents – okay, probably everyone – feel that he spends too much time at Ton's side. They believe that Happy is waiting futilely. But too many people have given up on Tony in his life. Happy's determined not to be one of them.

()

Phil reads the mission briefing on the way over to Connecticut. They were investigating some kind of underground base, following a series of disappearances in the area, all tracing back to there. Possible 0-8-4 territory. Expected alien interference, unknown whether associated with any human agencies. Apparently there was a possible connection to disappearances dating back decades. By the time Phil arrives, they've already got control of the base, most of the strike forces have moved out again. He heads inside to where the sci-ops group have made a discovery, awaiting his opinions on the matter. They're all over-excited – with alien technology all around, who can blame them? But Phil keeps a wary eye out – they might have the all clear on hostile forces, but Phil's got a gut feeling about this mission that he's not going to ignore. And you can't underestimate aliens.

It's a massive room for underground, with rows of tarpaulin covered tubes, about the length and width of coffins. Phil grimaces at that thought and turns to the agent next to him. “What are they?”

“Stasis chambers, sir. Looks like some kind of cryogenics project gone wild.”

Phil stares at the rows in front of him and steps over to the first, pulling the cover off.

He stares at the sleeping redhead inside for a long moment, that strange feeling he's intensifying. And then it hits him. Redhead, disappearances, Connecticut. This is Tony's Pepper. She has to be. And given that this is some kind of _alien_ experimental project, there must be an explanation for why she's been appearing to Tony.

But Phil can't be certain yet. He takes a deep breath and turns to the agent behind him with his usual bland face. He's not going to get his hopes up or let on how important this might be. “You think you can wake them up?”

The agent nods. “I think so, sir. It's actually a relatively simple procedure...”

Phil interrupts before the agent can start science-rambling. “Proceed with caution. Try one. Keep them sedated and call me before you actually wake anyone up.”

The agent nods and Phil strides off to report to the Hub. They want him to coordinate a search mission to find the aliens responsible, but Phil refuses. He wasn't going to leave here now, not without knowing. Part of him wants to phone Happy, but Phil can't be entirely sure that it is Pepper. There's no point getting Happy's hopes up too. So he's forced to wait, stood at the edge of the compound, fingers drumming on his arms. That's the only sign of his nerves.

()

Of course, Pepper would be the one they try first. If this goes wrong, if she dies, Phil's not entirely sure what he'll do. What Tony will do. Because Phil would have to tell him. (He's not allowing himself to think that the superhero might not wake up.)

After a series of injections, Phil sends the other agent out on the pretence that it would be less disorientating for her with only one person in the room.

Pepper stirs as Phil watches her carefully. Finally she blinks up at him. A confused expression crosses her face and she glances around the room before she frowns at him. “Phil?”

That's more than enough confirmation. Phil smiles slightly. “Pepper. Nice to meet you.”

She tries to sit up but struggles, so Phil slips an arm around her to help. She looks around again, this time in amazement. “You found me?”

Tears form in her eyes when Phil nods so he looks away politely, but when he looks back Pepper's simply smiling warmly. Phil returns the smile.

Then, of course, she asks the difficult question, that Phil really should have been expecting already. “Where's Tony?”

Phil hesitates for only a moment, but that's plenty long enough for Pepper to realise something's wrong and start worrying. “Phil? What's happened to him?” she demands, and there's an urgency in her voice that manages to get Phil to speak.

“He's in a coma. Three weeks now. The doctors... they're not too hopeful.” But Phil is optimistic now, he even manages a slight smile. He knows, for some reason he is absolutely certain that Tony will be perfectly fine now. Pepper was here, and she'd soon be with him. Tony has always been better when Pepper is around. (If you ignored the almost dying parts.)

But Pepper clearly doesn't share Phil's confidence, even though they both know that Tony's a fighter. Phil doesn't think there's any way he could make her worry less, so he doesn't insult her by trying. Instead he just explains. “After Tony defeated Vanko, Director Fury signed him on as a Consultant. Mainly for science and engineering, but with the option of providing support on high rated missions.” Phil glances apologetically at Pepper. “He was on a mission, took a hit and slammed into the ground. Broke a couple of bones and sustained a nasty head trauma.”

Of course, the simple and rather blunt explanation doesn't help Pepper's nerves at all. Her eyes are filled with tears and she holds Phil's gaze for a moment longer before she looks down. She's silent for a long moment, and Phil can sense that she's struggling – it must be overwhelming, waking up after so long, with the person her existence has been centred around for years potentially on his deathbed. But as he watches the way her hands clasp the edge of the sheet tightly, Phil's struck by how much Pepper obviously cares for Tony. He might have not always been absolutely certain that Pepper existed (evidence was everything in his job) but he's always been certain that she was everything to Tony, real or not. It's now that Phil can see that the same is true the other way around.

()

Of course, despite Coulson's best attempts, Pepper, along with the other captives, had to be debriefed before SHIELD would let them go. Admittedly, it was a system that Phil normally had no problem with, but right now he's more keen to get Pepper to Tony than adhere to the system. He spends the night working, organising and trying to help the other victims orientate themselves and find out where they're going. Some of them are oddly specific and decisive, in spite of waking up years, sometimes decades after being captured, and Phil thinks that what Tony and Pepper experienced might not be exclusive.

()

When he finally gets a break, he still doesn't sleep. Instead he calls Happy. The man's voice is fogged with sleep when he answers. “It's 2.34am.”

Phil thinks that that's oddly specific, but he doesn't comment. “Sorry. How is he?”

Happy groans a little, probably resenting being woken up at this time of morning ostensibly just to give a report on Tony's condition, but Phil knows he doesn't really mind. They're both worried enough. “No change. Which is good, they say, because his condition isn't deteriorating, but...”

They both know what 'but' means. It would be down-heartening if Phil wasn't the one with good news. “I think I've found a solution.”

Happy sounds a lot more awake when he speaks again. “What?!”

Phil can't help but smile slightly. “I'm not sure whether you believe in coincidences or not, but this mission... I found Pepper.” He pauses to let that sink in.

There's silence on the other end, long enough for Phil to wonder if Happy's dropped the phone, but eventually the other man speaks, the relief evident in his voice. “Well if anything's going to get Tony up off his ass, that'll be it... I am assuming you mean alive and well,” he adds quickly.

“She's perfectly fine. Worried now, obviously. She's got to sit through the SHIELD debrief before we can get to the hospital.”

()

It's two days later by the time Phil and Pepper finally, finally get to the hospital. Pepper falters just slightly as she sees Tony, only noticeable to Phil's trained eye. She bites her lip as she sits on the chair next to the bed. The affectionate way she takes Tony's hand, brushes his hair back with a small sigh almost makes Phil uncomfortable – it feels impossibly intimate for anyone associated with Tony Stark.

Both he and Happy are alternating between watching the machines and Tony. After waiting for so long, they're both hoping for some kind of miraculous awakening, that Pepper's mere presence would have Tony finally opening his eyes.

But minutes pass without any change. Tony is still as pale and still as ever, breathing steadily with the machines. Pepper's murmuring quietly to him, but neither Phil nor Happy want to encroach on their privacy to listen.

But the lack of reaction from Tony is depressing and almost terrifying. If Tony hasn't woken up for Pepper... well, what hope did they have now? Phil can see the way Happy's shoulders have slumped slightly; Phil feels practically the same way. The loss of hope stings worse than expected.

 


	14. That Hospital Room

Of course, what Phil and Happy have both forgotten, is that Tony might be late more often that not, but he _never_ misses the party.

()

Tony's head is fuzzy and he doesn't have the energy to move; he can barely force his eyes to open. There are doctors fussing around him, with tubes and oxygen masks and Tony tries to ask what's going on but his voice is basically not there, his throat too dry and rusty from disuse. He's so tired. It's too much effort to keep his eyes open and eventually he gives up.

He swears he sees Pepper standing on the far side of the room, but before he can react he's asleep again.

()

Tony first notices the steady beep of a machine to his left, then a mask over his face and bits of wire attached to his body. The next thing is the small, warm hand holding his, and that confuses him. So he opens his eyes.

Pepper is perched on the edge of the bed, holding his hand tightly and watching him anxiously.

Tony can't stop the smile that spreads across his face at seeing her again. “Pepper...” he murmurs, eyes bright.

The smile she gives him in return is soft and incredibly relieved. “Hey Tony,” she replies, her fingers combing through his too long fringe, and there's a whirl of fiercely suppressed emotion in her voice. For the first time, he wonders exactly why he's in the hospital, how bad the injuries were this time.

Then his brain actually registers that Pepper's here. She's come back, and he's in the hospital, and that can only mean one thing, right?

He glances at the machine's he's hooked to and then at Pepper, worry and fear and resignation shadowing his eyes. “Am I dying again?”

Pepper frowns at him, looking almost confused for a moment. There's a startled noise from the other side of him and Tony looks across to see Happy in the chair next to the bed. He blinks. He hadn't even noticed the guy, he's really out of it, isn't he? Tony quickly looks around the room to see Coulson leaning against the wall opposite the bed. There's an Iron Man figurine on his bedside table that can only be from Rhodey. Especially as it's dwarfed by a larger sized model of War Machine.

The only thing this amalgamation of people tells him, is that it must have been, probably still is, serious. God, what happened to him this time?

“You're not dying, Tony,” Pepper says gently, shaking her head.

Tony just looks at her. “But you're here,” he answers quietly, not quite meeting her eyes as he says that. He feels a bit guilty pointing out that Pepper only appears when he's dying or in danger or something, after all he knows that's not her choice and it upsets her too. But it is true.

Pepper's reaction, however, is unexpected. She smiles at him, and there's something incredibly bright and simply happy in that smile. Tony loses his words for a moment.

“Exactly, boss,” Happy cuts in from the side, after a long moment of silence. “She's here.”

The amount of time it takes Tony to work out exactly what Happy means by that is ridiculous. Later, he'll blame it on the fog that is still residing in his brain after being in a coma for months. (Which is actually perfectly reasonable, head injuries are a bitch for thinking power, but still nobody's ever going to stop laughing at him. Damn them.)

Tony blinks. He looks between Happy and Pepper a few times. Then at Coulson. _Then_ it dawns on him. He turns his head back to stare at Pepper. “You...? You're... You're _here_.” His voice comes out at just above a whisper in his disbelief, and he clasps Pepper's hand impossibly tightly. He's searching for the confirmation in her eyes because he's having trouble processing this. He's wanted this so badly for so long but the world never gives him what he wants, dammit, so this can't be real, can it? He has to be dreaming, right?

Pepper nods and squeezes his hand. “Yeah. I'm here. Phil found me.”

And of course, the first thing that comes out of his mouth then, after the relief and amazement washes over him, is “Since when is he _Phil_?”

Happy splutters, Pepper rolls her eyes and any tension in the room seems to dissolve. Phil just shakes his head in amusement.

Except there is still something serious in Tony's question, and Pepper knows it, even if the others don't. Because Tony's never quite trusted Phil since the Natasha Fiasco and they've both known it. Tony had actually tried to forgive him, but he obviously never tried hard enough, because it hadn't happened. Phil had remained Agent Coulson. Clearly he needs to reconsider now. (He's also partly subconsciously distracting himself from the big issue, that Pepper's here, because it's brilliant but he has no idea how to cope with it.)

“Since he found me last week and brought me here,” Pepper says simply.

Tony looks over at Phil. For a moment the two men just stare at each other, and there's a hint of tension, but then Tony takes a breath and nods, smiling slightly. “Thank you.” It's a rare moment of completely sincere gratitude, and with Phil's answering nod, everything between them is healed. Somehow, it is that simple. After all, how can Tony not forgive the man who found Pepper?

There's a moment of silence that's almost awkward, but Tony's practically allergic to awkwardness so he ignores it completely. “So if you are to be believed and I'm not facing certain death once more, what exactly happened?”

Because even if he's not dying, they all look stressed and tired and Happy especially looks thinner. They've been worried about him; admittedly, that's not surprising any more, Tony's just about accepted that these people care about him, but Tony wants to know what happened to make them look like this.

Happy shrugs, like he doesn't want to think about it. “You hit your head boss.”

Tony glares at him half-heartedly – he knows that, thank you, the ache in his head is already annoying him.

Thankfully Phil takes it upon himself to elaborate. “You hit the ground pretty hard in your suit. You've been in a coma for nearly two months now.”

“Two months,” he echoes, stunned. And that is worse than almost anything Tony could have thought of. Two months. That explains a lot. Part of him is distracted by the implications for the safety in his suit, he needs the specs for the accident find out what happened and make it _better_... but he focuses on the matter at hand. “Wait, so how long have you been here?” he asks, looking in Pepper's direction.

“A week,” she answers softly, and Tony actually winces this time. He can't imagine what that must have been like, doesn't want to imagine it the other way around – although Pepper's already seen him go through hell, but Pepper was actually here and everything feels more real for Tony so surely it must do for his angel too?

He doesn't let himself dwell on that thought. “Where's Rhodey?” he says instead, because he's the only person missing right now. Last time he woke up in hospital, all those months ago in Afghanistan, Rhodey was there. It feels similar, but then not, and it's all a little too confusing for a man with a head injury. He can almost feel himself getting sleepy, already exhausted after being awake for barely ten minutes.

Happy answers as Tony stifles a yawn. “He's been in and out. He's been busy, War Machine's taken over some of your duties.”

Tony nods vaguely. “Oh. Good.” Part of him wants to rebel at being replaced but this was kinda part of the reason he'd given Rhodey a suit in the first place. Anyway, a rebellion isn't worth the effort.

He yawns again and Pepper smiles fondly at him, her fingers combing through his hair again. “You should get some rest.”

Tony wants to protest that he's done nothing _but_ rest for two months now, but he's too tired to really care. Instead he curls as close to Pepper as the tubes and wires still attached to him will allow, he fully ignores the presence of the other two men (they've both seen him in worse conditions) and lets himself fall asleep.

()

The next time he wakes up, it's only Pepper who's there, still holding his hand. Tony smiles slightly, partly from relief that she's still there, that it wasn't just the best dream ever, and partly, well, just because it's Pepper. And he loves her.

He wants to tell her, now that she's here to stay, properly here, but declarations of feelings have never been Tony's strong suit. “I missed you,” he says instead, in a small voice, hesitant to say even that much.

But Pepper smiles brightly at him, and she seems to relax slightly at hearing those words. Tony wonders slightly if she's got the same insecurities as him – except that's stupid, she's Pepper, she can't have. Right?

“I'm glad you're awake,” she replies. “You worried me, Stark.”

It's Tony's turn to smile slightly. “Yeah, I thought you'd be used to that by now.”

Pepper shakes her head and leans down to kiss his forehead. “I'd really prefer not to, thank you.”

“Hey, it's not like I do this on purpose,” Tony protests, but he's still grinning. Because he did miss Pepper so much, he missed this, feeling happy like this.

“I know.” Pepper sighs. “But you could be a bit more careful.”

Tony shrugs. It's not exactly a conversation they haven't had before. (In fact, he's probably had that conversation with everyone he's even remotely friends with over the past year or so.) As much as he'd love to stop worrying everyone, specifically Pepper, he has to do his job. He's more likely to sacrifice himself than be careful. It's a constant problem in his mind.

Pepper sees his internal conflict and squeezes his hand. “Don't worry about it, Tony. Just focus on getting better.”

Tony smiles again and relaxes. “Not worrying about it,” he murmurs agreeably. “I've got you to do that.”

Pepper just rolls her eyes but he can see that she agrees, and Tony can't help but fall more in love with her.

 


	15. Homecoming

It's still absolutely ages until Tony's discharged from the hospital, in spite of his constant whining and trouble making. Pepper calls him a child, and the other two have no sympathy either, but Tony's actually trying to distract himself from the fact that he's in hospital. Hospitals and surgery and that clinical feeling still send chills down his spine. But he can only be grateful that they're all still here. (Phil pulled a favour or two and created some paperwork that allows Pepper to stay with Tony for the duration of his hospital visit. Tony's not sure he wants to know what the papers say. But neither of them could deal with the separation right now, so it is very welcome.)

He's lost a lot of muscle mass and his thinking power feels foggy more often than not. Admittedly, he can still probably think faster than most ordinary non-genius types, but his multi-tasking abilities are severely depleted. It's not a comfortable feeling at all, and Tony gets frustrated quickly. He only manages to stay cool with Pepper there to help him. In that respect, nothing's changed at all.

But after weeks of physical therapy and god-awful hospital routines and visits from the guys, and he's finally released, (under strict orders to rest and eat properly and maybe for once he'll actually be forced to do that, with Pepper looking after him), some nurse or orderly has let slip to the public world that Tony Stark will be leaving the hospital. Happy wants to wait another day, but Tony protests vehemently enough that the bodyguard gives in. He's not going to stay another minute in this goddamn place.

()

Of course, he almost regrets it when the press crowd them almost instantly as they leave the hospital. Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes, holding Pepper's hand in his tightly. He lifts the other, stopping the barrage of questions and waiting until silence falls.

“Okay, I'm going to give a statement, and if you're lucky I'll answer whatever god-damn questions you have after that. Right? Okay.” They're lucky he's in the mood to be amused by the press, yapping around him like overexcited dogs that can't keep their mouths shut, rather than pissed off. “So yes, I was in a coma for longer than anyone was comfortable with, caused by an incident that occurred during my Iron Man activities. I'm afraid the details are classified to that extent. Clearly, I've woken up, there will be a full recovery. I'm not actually going to give you any more detail. Simply, I'm lucky to be alive.”

He pauses there, and the questions start instantaneously, and Tony grins at the white noise that suddenly surrounds them. Most of the questions are ridiculous and he's not planning on answering any of them.

One of them still manages to make it through clearer than most, and Tony looks at the guy who called it, the rest quietening as they realize they've got his attention again. “Mr Stark, who's the new lady?”

It's a question that Tony probably should have been expecting, it's been a long time since he's been in public holding the hand of another woman. It's just easy to forget sometimes that everyone else can see Pepper to.

There's a number of answers that he's tempted to give, some of them a lot ruder than others, but in the end he simply grins enigmatically at them all. “Wait and see,” he adds, smirking just a little, and he grins sideways at Pepper before they both duck into the car.

There's a roar from the press but Happy puts his foot down as soon as Phil's slid in to the shotgun seat, and they've soon left them behind.

Pepper shakes her head at Tony, amused. She's clearly slightly overwhelmed by that reception from the press, but Tony doesn't comment on it, scooting closer to her until she puts an arm around him. He's content then, to listen to them rebuking him mildly for his posturing, listen to the three of them fall into easy bantering while he smiles, simply happy holding Pepper tightly.

()

Rhodey's there waiting for them when they reach home, and Tony feels like everything has slotted into place around him. He's certain he's never been this simply content in his entire life.

“Hey man. Finally got your ass out of bed?” Rhodey asks with a smirk and Tony smirks right back.

“What, you didn't enjoy taking over? I thought War Machine could do with getting up off his ass and stopping hiding behind Iron Man,” he retorts and it's easy again, him and Rhodey, and they both grin at each other for a moment. Then Rhodey moves on to greet the others, although he only nods at Pepper with a curious eye. Tony doesn't notice, as Pepper squeezes his hand and moves into the kitchen, presumably because she's overwhelmingly keen to make sure he's eating properly. He can't really blame her for worrying about his health, even if he feels it's unnecessary. (Honestly, he likes the way she fusses over him. Most of the time.)

Rhodey looks at him again as they collapse onto the couch. “Okay Tin Man, what's the deal?”

Tony raises an eyebrow, and Rhodey jerks his head towards the kitchen in explanation. Tony blinks. He's forgotten that he never told Rhodey about Pepper, that when he'd told the others they'd barely been speaking to one another. (That feels so much like a petty school yard fight now, pretty pathetic for two grown men. Don't even think anything about Tony's supposed mental age.)

Tony looks at him, amused for a moment. “You mean to say, there was a strange woman at my bedside for days and you didn't question it?” he asks, looking half impressed and half bemused.

“Watch who you're calling strange,” Pepper calls out before Rhodey can respond, and Tony grins, glancing in her direction.

“I wouldn't give anyone else that compliment,” he shoots back, before returning his attention to his friend. “Seriously? You didn't question it?” he asks, partially in jest, although he sort of thought that the others could have explained this, really. Part of it, at least.

“Nobody could question that she belonged there, with the way she looks at you,” Phil comments airily as he passes to go and help Pepper. Rhodey is nodding slightly in agreement at that, and although Tony turns his head away, he can't fully hide his foolish smile.

There's a moment of silence, and Tony can feel Rhodey's questioning gaze on him and eventually he looks up. He simply watches him calmly for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to explain this. It's not exactly an easy sell, and while he might be be particularly worried about Rhodey not believing him, he's going to trust his friend and Pepper's here now as tangible proof, but Tony still wants to do this right.

Then, of course, an idea presents itself and Tony can't help himself. He ducks his head, managing to look slightly abashed - (acting. All acting. Tony Stark does not do abashed) - but completely sincere. “She's my angel,” he says simply.

Happy's turned away to hide his laughter and Tony notices movement as the other two re-enter the room, hears Pepper's exasperated (but fond) sigh. Rhodey simply stares at him, his patented 'Tony-you're-not-making-any-sense-and-you'd-better-explain- _now'_ stare. Tony grins. “What?”

“Tony Stark, I swear if you don't explain that right now, I will put you back in that hospital,” Rhodey threatens.

“No you won't,” Tony retorts comfortably, throwing himself down on the couch. Rhodey glares at him and Tony caves. “Okay, okay, keep your hair on platypus. And don't look at me like that. That's actually a completely honest, totally condensed explanation.”

“And since she doesn't have wings I doubt you mean that literally, so will you please give me the simple non-condensed version?”

“I can give you the non-condensed version. It is in no way simple. Can't do both. I promise.” Tony just keeps grinning. It's fun, baiting Rhodey like this.

“Tony...” The warning tone in Rhodey's voice was obvious. Except the other man is trying to hide his grin.

It's easier to explain this time and it helps that he knows the whole story now. Admittedly, how the connection they had actually worked is beyond even his genius, but that's not really an issue. And there's no way Rhodey can't believe him, because Pepper's here and visible.

And accordingly, Rhodey's expression isn't one of disbelief, more of bemusement. Especially when Pepper sits down beside Tony, waits for him to finish talking and then forces a plate with a sandwich on into his hands. Rhodey glances at Tony almost expectantly, but the genius doesn't complain about being forced to eat – Tony knows that's a pointless exercise, especially with these four people in the room. So when Tony doesn't object, Rhodey just blinks and accepts everything, grinning.

“Man, if this is how he acts when you're around, I am going to love this,” he says to Pepper, who smiles back. Tony, mouthful of sandwich, glances between them suspiciously. He's already got Pepper conspiring with Happy and Phil against him. He will not let Rhodey be enticed to the dark side. (Admittedly, Rhodey was probably there before anyone else, concerning Tony's well-being. But that's not the point.)

He swallows his mouthful determinedly, almost chokes, and shakes his head. “No. Come on, you're on my side. You have to be on my side.” The look he gives Rhodey is over-the-top pleading, but Rhodey grins.

“Too late.”

Tony sulks (pouts) as Phil and Happy sit down on the other end of the couch, both clearly very amused. Pepper shakes her head, curling up comfortably next to Tony. “We're all on your side, Stark. You're the one who's not.”

There's a moment of silence for that observation. Tony frowns, trying to work that out, while the others all look strangely understanding. Pepper notices, and rubs his arm. “Don't worry about it.” She smiles at him, and despite his ever-constant need to understand, Tony relaxes and smiles back. Pepper rests her head on his shoulder, and so Tony misses the way she winks at Rhodey. “Just do what we say,” she adds, in the same calm tone of voice. Tony nods and wraps an arm around her.

He doesn't even realise what he's agreed to until much, much later. By then, it's too late to argue.

Not that he wants to.

 


	16. Love

It's difficult now, to imagine Tony without Pepper. Admittedly, Pepper's been part of Tony's life for far longer than she's been physically here, but there's still a difference. They're inseparable. Tony will spend all the free time he has with Pepper, without hesitation or ever seeming to get bored.

That's not to say Tony can't function without Pepper; he can, and he's proved that. But Pepper gives Tony back that spark that he hasn't really fully had since before Afghanistan. But this time it's accompanied by the maturity and understanding of the world that he was forced so harshly to develop. Pepper is literally the light of his life. They say it's only when you lose something that you realise how precious that something is. And Tony lost Pepper twice. It's obvious to see that he knows that what he's got is the most precious thing in the world. Happy never thought the day would come when Tony Stark learnt that lesson.

()

As for Rhodey, he sees the teenager from MIT who was so young and desperate for affection again. That was the Tony who was the reason Rhodey had stuck with him through his arrogant bastard phase. Their friendship, that had started to be based far too much around what Tony created and not Tony himself, was refreshed – because Rhodey can once more see the Tony who trusted easily (too easily) and who was still open to the idea of love. Tony with Pepper is the happiest Rhodey's ever seen the man. He can't imagine Tony without Pepper either, and he knows, that if Tony's got any choice in the matter, Pepper will never leave his side for as long as he lives.

Rhodey's only worry is that it might not be Tony's choice, in the end. And Rhodey knows he hasn't been the best friend he could have been recently, with the fiasco with Hammer, so this might make him a hypocrite, but he's damn well going to make sure that Tony's not left broken from this.

He finds Pepper one day, when Tony's out. It feels a bit cliché doing this, but that's beside the point.

“He loves you,” is his opening line, and Pepper turns to face him, slightly startled.

She smiles at him though. “I hope you mean Tony,” she replies, and Rhodey's almost satisfied already. He certainly can't help but grin a little.

“Yeah, I mean Tony.” He shrugs. “You know that, right? That he loves you.” Rhodey can tell Pepper knows what he's doing, why he's doing it, but she doesn't protest or tell him it's none of his business, or call him out on being a hypocrite. She simply nods. “Good. Because I've known him since MIT, and I've never seen him like this before, not with anyone. Certainly not with anyone who cares.”

Pepper doesn't look surprised, but she looks sad. Rhodey knows that feeling: because Tony deserves so much more than the hand he's been dealt in life. If Pepper understands that, there's not much really for Rhodey to do.

Other people might add a threat on the end of this conversation, a promise if she hurts him. But somehow he knows she's not going to, not intentionally. Instead he just smiles at her trustingly. “Look after him.”

She looks at him evenly for a moment, before nodding. “I'll do my best.”

In the end, it's less of a threat, and more of a welcome to the team of looking after Tony. Because God knows the guy can't look after himself.

()

Phil hasn't known Tony all that long, but he understands how the man works and he has enough experience to see that Tony and Pepper could last a lifetime. He's seen Tony without Pepper, and Pepper without Tony, and they are so much _more_ together. The easy, open affection that they have is telling – particularly for Tony “I don't like to be handed things” Stark. Phil's so glad that Tony's finally truly happy, the man's been through enough recently to deserve that. But Phil's also fast becoming friends with Pepper, and he's observant. Pepper and Tony have something, but while everyone knows what that something is, they don't seem to have made it official yet. And while they seem perfectly comfortable with it right now, Phil knows both Tony and Pepper want more. He watches them dance around it for a while before getting frustrated. Eventually he approaches Tony, using his exceptional manipulation skills (only Fury and Romanoff are better than him) to force Tony into action.

“Hey, Stark,” he greets upon gaining entry to the man's workshop.

Tony glances up with a grin, does something to the hologram in front of him before he waves it away. “Agent! What's up?”

Phil makes some meaningless conversation for a while, discussing a SHIELD deadline and then moving on to find out if Tony's made any headway with the technology they'd recovered from the alien base they'd found Pepper in, or made any discoveries about what the two had experienced.

Tony shrugs and answers in the negative. He looks frustrated by his lack of progress with that.

Phil nods calmly. “Not that it's important. I left those details out of my report. And Pepper isn't exactly only staying for answers.” It's barely a seed of doubt, but Phil knows that it's been planted – he sees the way Tony frowns minutely out of the corner of his eye. Tony will over think and over-analyse and panic and ultimately come to the wrong conclusion about Pepper. It feels almost cruel, doing this to Tony, but Phil's sure that if this works out, the billionaire will forgive him. If he even realizes what happened.

But Phil is keen to make sure this happens soon, that Tony doesn't sit stewing over this for months, so he adds something else. “I can't imagine what that must be like.”

Tony makes a questioning noise, looking up at him.

“To wake up and have missed years like that,” Phil elaborates, not quite looking at Tony. “Imagine all the stuff you must have had planned, only to lose so much time. There'd be so much you'd want to do.”

“Technically, if you count the time spent as a hallucination or whatever, they didn't spend the entire time asleep and unaware...” Tony points out, though there's a shadow of uncertainty in his voice.

Phil nods. “I guess they owe a lot to that experience then.” That's just the icing, making Tony think that Pepper thinks she owes him something. It might be a bit much, that, but Phil's certain Pepper will alleviate any fears he gives Tony now. If the genius isn't brave enough to speak up about them, then Phil will just point Pepper in his direction and let her get it out of him. Although really, she'll notice something's wrong with Tony before Phil needs to. He's certain of that.

 

Phil's plan works perfectly. It takes a few days for Tony to have really started to worry, to have come to conclusions in his mind that are ridiculous but he's certain they're right. It takes another day for him to work up the courage to talk to Pepper.

 

Tony's fidgety, he never knows how to start a conversation like this and he's kind of scared that this conversation will go completely the wrong way and he'll lose her. (Which, yes, is completely unreasonable. But hey, who can expect Tony to be _reasonable_ about this kind of thing?)

Pepper, of course, notices that something is wrong almost instantly. She gives him an unamused look as he paces the kitchen behind her, waiting for him to say whatever's on his mind. She gives him five minutes. Then she turns, puts her hands on his shoulders to still him and looks him in the eye. “Tony. What's wrong?”

Tony only meets her eyes for a second before looking away nervously. “I...” He shrugs. “It's just something Phil said. It's nothing,” he says, losing confidence. He knows that's not going to be enough for Pepper, he's not stupid, but he still doesn't know how to just say it.

“Phil?” Pepper sounds surprised. “You mean Phil's upset you again?” She sounds protective and Tony shakes his head quickly.

“No, he hasn't done anything. Don't go and attack him, he has bad-ass ninja skills. Seriously. I don't want you to get hurt.”

Pepper sighs at his ramblings, pushing Tony down onto the stool behind him. “Then you're going to have to tell me what's wrong.”

So what Tony needs to ask Pepper is simple: is she only staying because she feels that she owes him? Naturally, Tony makes a complete mess out of it.

Tony looks up bravely, meets her eyes, and promptly quails again. “Do you...” No, that's too direct. Saying the words like that is too scary and he shakes his head, tries a different tack. (He always starts at the back end of a conversation, apparently that's very confusing. He always attributes it to thinking faster than everyone else.)

“I mean, you don't owe me, if anything I owe you, right? So there's no reason for... If you don't want to... If you do, then that's fine, great, even, but I can't imagine...” He's babbling, avoiding the subject. He wants to just man up and say it, but apparently Tony Stark is not man enough for that.

“Tony...” Pepper starts, but Tony interrupts quickly, because he doesn't want to hear what she has to say, he's too ridiculously scared of rejection.

“No, really, it's okay, right? There must be, I don't know, a zillion other things you could be doing and I don't mind, really...”

Pepper tries again. “I...”

“...because I'm not... It's not like that, and I don't want you to feel obliged to-- mmphh.”

Pepper's covered his mouth with her hand, shaking her head in amusement and exasperation. “Please shut up, Tony,” she says, and he glares at her for a second, before wilting and waiting. He has absolutely no idea what she's going to say; she's unreadable right now. “I wasn't thinking that I owed you anything...”

Tony opens his mouth again to protest, but she glares at him and he shuts up.

“If I owe anyone anything, it's Phil.” Her voice is calm, almost amused. “He found me.”

“Right.” Tony makes a face at that, he doesn't want his angel indebted to anyone, even Phil, but it's not really an issue right now. Anyway, that's not the point. He's just still not exactly comforted.

Pepper just shakes her head again, lifting her hand to touch his cheek and waiting until he looks her in the eye. “Tony. I'm staying because I want to.”

Tony's emotions war between disbelief and relief and disbelief wins. “Really? Because I'm kind of a first class jerk, I'll annoy you eventually and you're allowed to change your mind, y'know...”

“Tony!” Pepper interrupts, and she looks like she's trying not to laugh. “I'm staying because of you, you idiot.”

It takes a moment for him to process that. Tony stares at her, unable to get rid of the besotted smile on his face. “I love you.” He blinks as he realises that he's actually said that out loud, but it feels right. It certainly feels more natural than anything else he's said in the last ten minutes.   
And the moment of uncertainty is worth Pepper's smile. She lifts her other hand to the back of his neck, pulls him close and kisses him softly and Tony practically melts against her.

“I love you too,” Pepper murmurs in his ear as she pulls away, brushing her lips against his cheek.

Tony couldn't get rid of his giddy smile if he tried. He wraps his arms around her to hold her where she is. “Just warning you, I've never done this relationship thing before.”

Pepper shrugs and grins. “Just do what I say and you'll be fine.”

Tony huffs indignantly at that, but he's still smiling. “You know what? I think I will be.”

Certainly, if the way Pepper kisses him after that is any indication, Tony's going to be absolutely fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's all folks! I hope you enjoyed it.  
> I'm not making any promises, but there may be a sequel at some point. I do have some ideas, just not enough yet for a whole story, so if a sequel is happening, it won't be any time soon. Especially as I have other stories I want to try and get written.   
> Thanks for reading, all!


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